A shift in relations.

[post transcribed from a paper journal]

And so, as one day twists and turns and flips about desperately attempting to avoid the chilling grip of the coming night. As winter approaches, the vigor of the day, fighting as it has for the last six months against the night, is now dissipating and growing weaker. The night; cold, clear, crisp, and elegant; will grow longer and longer, colder and colder, darker and darker as the days become too weak and submissive to have much sway against the night except to make an indirect, cold light.

The days seem hopeless and unwilling to make the effort to appear again tomorrow, and as a sickly child would, grow paler every day; weaker. Knowing, as it always does, that winter is its death, the days make a final attempt at warmth whilst the night grows colder, taking frozen bites from the weakened heels of the morning. No longer will night allow itself to be the submissive partner in their ongoing relationship, but as the night works towards equality, the day sees itself losing power and gives up completely; still part of the relationship, but no longer making an effort for their combined success.

There it goes…

[post transcribed from a paper journal]

As all things that are must do, it is ending. Not that it will be noticed when it is gone, for it will not be there to notice. Perhaps there will be someday something that they feel has taken its place, but because it will be gone, any replacement will have been ill formed and imperfect; not much like it at all. However, as a result of the impracticalities of referring to something that is no more, that which replaces it will take its name and its place in their lives; no thought will be given to the existence of something before that which has replaced it. In this way it is shown that in the minds of living things (whose memories are far too short to see what is really going on) change can not truly exist.

Unexpected birthday gift

[post transcribed from a paper journal]

Saturday, completely unexpectedly and out of the blue, my girlfriend (* I find that because of the nature of this journal, I am less likely to use her name *) gave me a birthday present. My birthday was a couple of weeks ago, on September 21st, and all I got then was some toothpaste and cold medicine from my mom. Nothing else. It was a really uplifting experience…

Then, all of a sudden, my girlfriend hands me a card, and a gift. I had no idea that I would get anything from her – she doesn’t have much money, I didn’t expect anything – and she got me a new CD that I wanted. I cannot express the gratitude that I felt, and am feeling still, towards my girlfriend for being so thoughtful. Perhaps my not receiving any other gifts (* actually, my evil twin sent me a bunch of new CDs, but since I’ve never met him… *) has thrown off my perceptions.

Slowtime time again

[post transcribed from a paper journal]

“Reality is the expression of one’s personal delusions rearranging one’s personal perceptions.”

As time flows steadily past you and those around you, I trudge slowly forward through a sea of temporal misgivings. If ever I stopped pushing steadily forward through the medium of time, I would be stuck with no motivation to ever move again. The torture of a continuation of this that surrounds me is almost too much to bear as it is, and I fear that if I ever stopped, it would be far too much a burden to take it up again. All things stopped; perfect peace; would be an oasis of calm that I would likely be ready to drink from until I wasted away into non-existence. Would then time march forward, unhindered by my laziness? Perhaps then, I should look at the drag I put on the natural flow of time; when I am gone time will shoot forward with unrelenting speed. If this is true, then perhaps my stay here should be cut short; only for the good of others, mind you, not to give myself the rest I need.

Sigh… such contemplations of things is unneeded and unneccesary – I should limit its place in my life.

OJ Simpson who?

[post transcribed from a paper journal]

I just checked; I have been mentioning here about my reality problems… I don’t know anymore exactly what I’ve been doing – it keeps changing. So today everyone’s talking about this OJ Simpson trial, and until around 6 in the evening Monday night, I had no idea that he was on trial, or what for. Now, all of a sudden, I’m glad that the media gets so excitable over celebrities; otherwise, I would not be able to discuss this case like I haven’t been living in another universe. The re-capping of the trial was seemingly useless, but now I see that without having watched it, I would have little to no idea what everyone was talking about.

Worse yet is that yesterday morning, OJ was guilty, and there were more riots in LA; by afternoon, sometime when I wasn’t watching TV (* I do a lot of that, the not watching *), OJ was innocent, and LA was cheering. Not having read the news this morning, I will assume that he was found not guilty until I see otherwise. Everyone’s saying their opinions about what they thought the verdict would be – I didn’t even know about the trial until two days ago, so I do not feel either way. I’m not sure I would care anyway – no one that I know was killed or on trial…