The Fall of Marxism, last Saturday

[post transcribed from a paper journal]

The universe, as it appears to me, is becoming less and less stable as I go along from one day to the next. As I stated before, I’m used to a few things randomly changing without anyone’s notice but mine, but they used to be only minor things, and only dealing with bits of the universe that weren’t bits of me. Well, although Friday was a pretty calm day, with only a hundred or two things jumping out of place, disappearing, or changing their nature, Saturday made up for it. Before Saturday, for as long as I can remember, Karl Marx had been a great leader in Europe. His ideas, essays, and speeches had swayed the ways that the common man thought, and there had been a revolution. Marxism was adopted greatfully by most of western Europe, and rejected by the backwards nation of Russia. There was never a conflict (such as this Cold War I have been reading about) between Democracy and Marxism, even though America was firmly Democratic up until the shift on Saturday. Now, I have had to deal with a major shift in history and politics, as well as a change in my personal physiology that I do not want to discuss, and I am worried that if this continues, I will not be able to keep up.

Something in the air…

[post transcribed from a paper journal]

It’s not that I’m having a bad day, although I am, ot that either of the past two days were bad, although they were. It’s more than that, which has lead me to create 100mph winds, heavy rain and scattered hail one evening, and pounding rain the next. That the friendly meteorologists said that it was drying out and not to expect rain for a faw months doesn’t matter; I can bring clouds in under their noses in under an hour. I suppose it has something to do with all the bad things that have been happenning to me of late that are causing me to feel like I need a rain-storm powerful enough to knock two of our trees into the neighbor’s yard to help make me feel better. It’s just that sometimes I need a little release, and have found it inappropriate to take my own stresses out on the people around me directly. Or on me directly; I ate a pound of Oreos last night… not even an upset stomach or a gained pound to show for it. Oh well….

Reality seems to be shifting…

[post transcribed from a paper journal]

Reality seems to be shifting erratically about me without any rhyme or reason at a much higher rate than usual. Normally, I can expect one real thing to become completely unreal, or one non-existant, unreal thing to suddenly exist and be accepted as normal w/o any transition every few days or so. Lately, it’s been as much as two or three hundred things every day, which is quite unsettling. It’s not even big things that are changing, only the small details; the organization of furniture, a change in a person’s beliefs, carpet colors, or maybe the size/shape of a tree. So many small things spontaneously changing, that is, always having been the way they suddenly are for everyone but me, has left me feeling totally unanchored.

Strange things are afoot

[post transcribed from a paper journal]

Reality, that mindless whole that is everything we know and believe, seems to have reared its twisted head at me once again. If such chaotic occurrences were not so random and earth-shattering, or even if they were within the bounds of some sort of logical reasoning, I might be able to deal with them in some reasonable fashion. However, as a result of the absolute lack of understanding I have for these things, I become at least partially unglued when they occur.

This time, as Reality ripped itself free of its normal constraints all around me, I noticed a few things were going wrong. Wednesday evening, I got arrested. Thursday, on my birthday, I was so over-whelmed with the goings-on (* I received some toothpaste and cold medicine after sleeping most of the day *) that I didn’t complete the essay due on Friday, Friday nothing too catastrophic happened, but Saturday I had to leave town untill well after sundown. Then, at 3:30 on Sunday morning I was awakened to find that my girlfriend had not made it home that night. I spent the next 7 hours trying to find her; she showed up at home an hour later, with absolutely no explanation for me.