Category: Uncategorized

Ought to be sleeping.

How many of my posts start that way?

How many of my days start that way?

. . . all the life I’ve lived when I ought to have been sleeping . . .

Work is back to where I like it most, where I do one thing, the same thing, all day long. Less thinking about what I’m going to do when I run out of tickets, more just processing tickets. Counting five by five, counting bucket by bucket, hundreds of tickets back and forth and up and down and mind numbing nicely.

People are still interrupting me with questions about their computers at home, with questions I’m too asleep and too out-of-practise to really answer properly.

And my own mind keeps running. Which is a good thing.

That I have a job that while requiring focus doesn’t require 100% of my mental capacity is a very nice thing. Working on this or that, thinking about whatever. Trying to develop an idea from a glimpse to a screenplay and from a dream to a business proposal to a business. Trying to come up with ideas for comics. And working on ideas for things to do in Second Life. And on and on and daydreaming and . . .

And wishing I had an iPod.

Every day that I have to sit between two people, each playing their own stereo tuned to a different station and neither one playing music I would have chosen, is another day that reinforces in me the need for my own personal portable music experience. Seriously, I just want to put a pair of white earbuds into my ears, pull up one of my smart playlists, and listen to my own collection of music instead of … two disparate selections at once and never a song I really like. Sigh.

The money will be there eventually.

I’ve just got to be careful, and be sure I understand my own priorities.

If I had the money for the iBook I want, I could get an iPod for a real steal with one of their current promotions. But I haven’t got that money saved up/paid back yet. And by the time I do, that promotion will be over. And my desire for an iPod will be excessive.

Got to have money for Florida.

Got to have money for bills and food and internet.

Like to save up (ie: pay back debtors so I can afford to spend more) for nice things like iBook, iPod, new iMac (hah! I don’t get paid that much!). Like to save up for Nintendo DS and some games for it. Like to have money for Fable next month. (Fable, the game that made me choose XBox over PS2 originally, finally arriving.)

Like to go on a cruise – I can get a sweet deal while I work for ICE, but I’ve got to have the vacation money available, obviously.

Can’t buy a car. Just can’t.

Like, if someone gifted me a fully functional car with reasonable gas mileage, I might be able to afford the insurance, gas, and maintenance on it. But car payments on top of that? Right out.

Probably something to do with my car-loan-sized outstanding debt and the payments I have to make on that and the ridiculous interest I pay on it.

I must suck.

…

My wrists are going bad from all the repetitive tickets business. And my right bicep is going crazy. Maybe it’ll get bigger or something. It’s all sore and tired. At the very least I suspect that it’ll be really really good at a couple of very particular motions repeated hundreds of times a day.

…

Somehow still not sleeping. But I will. Go. Try that. Now.

Everyone else seems to be doing the food journaling thing right now, so I thought I’d join in. Hopefully I’ll start feeling more into taking care of myself in the coming days, and get back onto my diet, but the last few days I’ve been bringing some bad choices home with me from the grocery store.

Today started out good. I had 2oz of Kellog’s Raisin Bran with 12oz of Skim Milk.

But I got up late, so breakfast was around noon. By the time I was hungry again I was at a movie theatre to watch A Door in the Floor, so I got a (refill size) diet Pepsi and the free popcorn (thanks Zoe) without butter. I ate about half of the popcorn, which equates to around 40oz.

On the way home from shopping and movie-watching and more shopping, Angela wanted to get some Krispy Kreme donuts. We went in and I ate one glazed (the sample) and ordered half of the dozen she bought. Then we went next door to the In-N-Out burger for real food. I had a #1, which is a double cheeseburger, fries, medium drink. Diet again on the soda (I’m going to need more water tomorrow, I think), but you can imagine how many calories the burger and fries have.

Actually, I’ll look it up… 670 calories for the burger, 400 for thr fries. So, 1070 total. 270 calories for breakfast. Around 200-300 calories in the popcorn. Hard to say. 200 calorie donut. So 1740-1840 calories so far today. Supposed to have 2000-2200, so I guess I’m doing okay. A little too much fat in the burger, too much sugar in the donut, but … not too bad.

And I’m full.

Sigh. Even when I “cheat” I don’t seem to go overboard anymore. I suppose I’ve trained myself pretty well. Probably I’ll have another donut before sleep. Oh, and my fibre supplements. That’s 30 calories.

Okie-dokie.

All the pages you get when you click on the top-most row at Modern Evil (ie: blogs, Art, Comics, Poetry, Prose, Reviews) have been updated and modifed not only to remove errors and things from the recent purge, but to make them easier to use and read and all that.

Also, all the comics archives or all 13 comics remaining on Modern Evil have been modified to include convenient links to the “first” and “last comics in each archive, as well as links to the next and previous comics and to the archive page for that comic. The bio page for ME24 has been made standalone, and is linked to from its main page, and every other ME24 page. Carrot’s brother, carrot, has been added to the ME24 bios page.

That’s right, I just spent half a day updating my website.

Enjoy.

The following is a response to this post by my brother – duplicated here in case he thinks he can censor me, and to get my own readers’ feedback on the subject:

How about I want you to sleep at night instead of staying up chatting all night? The 18 thing is that theoretically since you’ll be an adult you can be trusted to make your own good choices, though I doubt a birthday is going to change anything for you.

You have to fucking sleep at night and you have to pass your fucking classes and you have to do all that damned correspondence work, right? You can be sitting around chatting with your friends (and enemies) online all night, every night until who-knows-when in the morning.

Porn? I don’t care. Obviously. I’m practically a porn addict. That isn’t the point.

And wanting to use your computer IS a factor, and I’ll admit that, but it isn’t the primary one.

As with anyone I care about, I want the best for you. I want you to succeed. I want to do whatever I can to help you to succeed, and while I can, I want to do whatever I can to force you to succeed. Do you homework! Get enough sleep that you can pay attention in your early classes! And so that you can feel better and not be so angty and/or depressed all the time!

And then there’s the whole issue of “privacy” which I don’t believe in, and I don’t support people wanting to have.

If you want to do something and you feel like it should be kept a secret or done in the “privacy” of your room, youprobably shouldn’t be doing it. Anything you do that you feel ashamed of in any way, anything you do that you don’t want other people to know about, almost anything you do or want to do that you don’t want to do right out in the open – you shouldn’t be doing.

Without religion, without laws, without a moral code, you inherently know right from wrong – just like every other being in the universe. Without anyone having to teach you, you know what things you should be doing and what things you want to do in secret – the ones you want to be doing in secret you shouldn’t be doing at all.

This applies to everyone. Everywhere. Not just you. So the question shouldn’t be why I want your computer out in the open, but why YOU want your computer in private. What do you think you’re doing in there that you can’t do out here?

Oh, and I think we determined to just move Angela’s computer to the next room and put yours here on the desk. No need to switch it – that would mean Angela would never get to use her computer, since you go to school at the same times she works (and are off at the same times, of course).

As far as deleting your blog/login, you’re silly. I have never censored anyone on Modern Evil. The only times I’ve ever removed accounts were because either people asked me to, or after providing over a month’s notice that inactive accounts would be removed, I removed inactive accounts and blogs. And your blog qualified as “inactive” according to even the loosest interpretation of my guidelines (5 posts in July) but I didn’t delete it after speaking to you about it.

In fact, the only time I can remember being upset with what someone was doing on Modern Evil was when one of my users was censoring people’s comments. I don’t like censoring on my site.

So if you still don’t understand why you can’t have your computer in your room, let me know. Because you need to give a valid explanation as to why you SHOULD have your computer in your room.

Quick post before passing out.

Put the relevant entries from “Time Forgets…” (the blog that transcribed my 1995 journal entries from my ENG102 class) and from the deleted “Ramblings” section into the appropriate places in FYTH. Looks like around 50 new posts, back in time.

If I can find more dated journal pages or files or the like, especially dated between 1995 and 2000, I will see about getting them online as well. Don’t know what kind of luck I’ll have. A lot of what I wrote in that period was letters and otherwise sent-to-someone-else pages that no longer exist (or are simply as inaccessable to me as the people I originally sent them to). SO. We’ll see.

I’ll get links to the archives of the sections I pulled from the site on here soon. I’ll also work on getting all the Modern Evil sections updated to stop reflecting bad/broken links to the removed sections. Quickly, the sections no longer part of the site are as follows:

Angel From Heaven
Pit of Geek
Ramblings
Non-Fiction
Photoshop PingPong
Dumb Shit
Heaven
low bullshit tolerance
the City
Time Forgets
Book of Days
Anyone But You
Self Defeatist

Oh, and to mention it publicly, I’m hoping to get the ‘Mouse’ Project page updated ASAP. The project is over a year old now. It will likely be another year before it gets done.

Anything else?

Maybe something personal like mentioning that I met four new people tonight and I think we’ll be fast friends? Good times, and good times ahead. Maybe I’ll say more later. One of them may begin a blog on Modern Evil soon. We shall certainly see.

And now, to go pass out.