Teel McClanahan

United BLood Services called me last night to harrass me about giving blood, so I scheduled an apointment for this morning. I actually managed to get up and out of bed (after staying up too late again last night) and out the door and to the place within 3 minutes of my appointed time. And was out the door again in about ten minutes – my heart still beats too fast. Duh.

I told the guy on the phone it beats too fast. I told the receptionist, and I told the … doctor? Whatever, the woman who was going to interview me and take my blood. So she checked my “vitals” first instead of going through the 20-30 minute interview first like they normally do. I had been very careful not to get my heart rate up as I drove there or climbed the stairs (which meant climbing the stairs very slowly) and had been concentrating on my “heart breath” as learned from the Wild Divine biometric software, and while the machine took my “vitals” the nurse manually took my pulse as well. She agreed with the machine that it was a little too fast (the machine said 103bpm), but that it was VERY regular, very steady. Which I guess is why I’m so good at the heart breath exercises; the heart breath is supposed to help you get your heart to beat with more regularity, and mine already does. I just … regularly beats way too fast.

…but … “I must be fine, ’cause my heart’s still beating.”

Maybe I should have gone in there last week. They’d have told me I was dead.

Off to work.

I need to make an apology, a retraction. What would probably be the thing the ‘normal’ person does is to edit or remove the original post, but I don’t edit or delete my posts. It’s all there.

I knew from even the moment I first wrote that post that there were things there, sentiments that I shouldn’t be having in quite that way, and that I should try to wait until I had calmed down a little more before posting. I also knew that it was time sensitive to post. So… It went up in the heat of the moment, and I need to make some apologies, some retractions.

Continue reading An apology, a prayer

I need to learn to accept that I have been given – or been given access to – all the answers I need. That I have been prepared appropriately for every challenge and question before it needs to be met.

I need to learn to accept it.

And I need to learn to see those answers in time, to realize what I already know about how to meet challenges before or as I am dealing with them, and use the tools that have been given to me more consistently.

I … I apparently already say in various ways that I “have all the answers” I need, but … I never heard myself saying it that way, even when people were repeating it back to me. I was talking on the phone to Stacy yesterday for a couple of hours (thanks again; I didn’t realise until I got back into the Starbucks and my friendly baristas were asking me why I’d gone home that I’d been on the phone for so long) and it came up a couple of times, and the second time when she told me I had all the answers and I tried to say (as I have been trying to tell people over and over again for months now) “I don’t have all the answers!” she actually put it in a way that I could hear that I DO say that I have all the answers. A lot, apparently. I’m going to try to pay attention to myself speaking more closely, looking for that phrase – I can’t … I hadn’t ever heard myself saying it before Stacy so reasonably pointed it out.

Continue reading struggling and/with acceptance

By way of Zoe, I found and took the test at perex.com.

My results are below, and except where noted, were uncannily accurate. Like, they want feedback on everything because they’re trying to be as accurate as possible, so after every paragraph there’s a little “give feedback” link, and … I’d read each paragraph and say “that’s true” “that’s true” over and over. A couple were “okay, yeah” but 85% were dead-on.

I think. I’ll come back in a few days and read this again and see what I think. Go take the test for yourself. The more people take it, the better it gets. It’s science! You want to help science, don’t you?

Continue reading Perex

Because I can’t think of anyone who might be available to go, wants to go, and has money to go watch Constantine with me, I’m planning on going tonight after work, to the 10:10 showing at the Harkins North Valley 16, near where I live. Unless I’m too tired after work. But … I’ve been up until almost 1AM every night this week, so I figure I should be fine.

If, however, you want to join me, tonight or any time this weekend to go watch Constantine, please let me know. Call me or email me or comment here. Unless I’m running WAY behind leaving work, I’ll stop in at home to check my email/comments between getting home from work and heading over to the theatre. But a call always works best, and if you’re the sort of person who likes to go to movies with me, you have my phone number.

So, yeah.

And then, this weekend I’ll probably work on editing Book Two.