I don’t generally bother with Tarot cards and “readings”, or at least haven’t in the past. The woman I was recently involved in … cards, not just tarot but also a game/divination I play with a specially culled deck called Wish, kept coming up and being relevant to things that were going on with us at the time … in such a way as to be more apparently serendipity than coincidence. I did my best to prove that it was all nonsense.
Category: Uncategorized
I think I posted it anyway.
This is me using very much effort to not make a post I ought not make.
If you could hear me, this is what me not saying the things I want to say would sound like.
There are questions I want to ask, questions I want the answers to.
I suspect that the answers do not exist.
Which of them can I safely ask here?
This isn’t the first time I’ve had the confusion I’m experiencing here.
Maybe I just fall in love with a particular type of person who … thinks this way.
yes. i feel bad.
A good friend of mine gifted me a calendar today, since I didn’t have one yet, and he had extra. Very appropriately to how things have been going lately and are going forward in my life and the lives of those around me, this is the image/message for February. I cannot decide whether to hang it right here over my desk at home or whether to take it to work and hang it up. I mean, I’ve always thought this company’s calendars were appropriate for the workplace, but perhaps this year is going to be all about personal suffering rather than work-related suffering. I shall have to ponder this at length.
I discovered something this week – in iChat, if you want to “block” someone, so they can’t see when you’re online and you can’t see when they’re online and neither one of you can message each other, you both have to be online at the same time and be able to see each other. In fact, the “block buddy” option is greyed out until you actually open a chat window with the person as though to chat with them. Weird.
When I came home tonight, I expected my dad to already be home, but the truck was not here. I was then informed that apparently when one (say, my father) gets distracted while driving and runs a red light, the likelyhood of having your vehicle struck by another moving vehicly increases. Or rather, I was informed that my father ran a red light and got hit. They say he’s okay and that just the back of the truck was messed up and that the people in the other truck are okay, and he’ll be home in a couple of hours, after dealing with the police. So. Interesting times.
Walk it off
Last night / this morning I had a leg cramp in my right calf that was unbelievably painful. More painful than any I can remember having and not easily calmed, like most, or intensified, like many – I tried to rub it, but it was as though my entire calf was a sold piece of burning stone, the muscle completely contracted and pained. I did not have the peace of mind to pay attention to how long it was before it settled down enough that I first escaped the continuing urge to scream out into the night, but this morning I am still stumbling and limping on my still-pained leg.
In a few days perhaps it will return to normal.
I spent over ten hours at Starbucks yesterday, working. Now, a ten hour day was not what I really intended when I headed there, and it is not altogether unusual, since I work ten hour days at my dayjob, but … it was after about eight hours there that I realised that I had not eaten anything since an hour before I had arrived. I was so involved and engaged by the words on the page that I forgot to eat, only occassionally standing to use the men’s room. And then … after so long without eating, I decided to keep working, straight through, slightly over two more hours to get to the end of the project, before I stopped, packed up, and got some food in me. What a day.
I am watching a Netflix’d DVD right now, just finished working on some layout options I’ve had in mind, and will soon either go back to Starbucks and work on another writing project… or stay here and read something … or … I have a list to work from. I’m sure I’ll be fine. After a few hours I expect to be interrupted by a phone call from a good friend who would like to spend some time with me this weekend, and we shall have a good time together later. So … anyway.
I watched Hide and Seek last night after leaving Starbucks; I cannot recommend it. Well, okay, I cannot recommend it to anyone with my intellect. Again, a movie with a twist ending that I figured out every single detail of weeks before watching it. It’s aliens. Everyone dies in the end. Especially Famke. Okay, that’s not true. But it was frustratingly obvious what was going on. And unlike The Village, there was no allegory or intense love story to make it enjoyable or stimulating; the whole of the movie was the psychological situatiuon building up to the reveal, and the full reel of film that unspooled after the reveal was just … tedious.
Angela wants to watch The Wedding Date; that should be reasonably good. And I’m planning to watch The Phantom of the Opera again on Sunday, to refresh it into my mind in light of recent events. I just want to be sure I understand how it goes, how it ends … I think … Christine ends up with the safe, sane one and lives a long life after The Phantom ends up giving her up, letting her go even after she had finally given herself over to him and the creativity, possibility and passion he represented. Is that right? I’ll watch it again.
Well, the DVD is just ending now, and I can say for certain that I’m not certain I really understood everything that went on it it. Perhaps repeat viewings will help. I know someone who adores this movie; I shall have to ask them to walk me through it, sometime.
Ooh, that reminds me. I should probably look up all the Phantom lyrics before I watch it again, so I can understand all those mixed-up, high-tone words that are lost totally on my ears.
Anyway, I’m off, for now.
More songs, now from the radio
Well I was sitting, waiting, wishing
You believed in superstitions
Then maybe you’d see the signs
The Lord knows that this world is cruel
I ain’t the Lord, I’m just a fool
and in love with somebody don’t make them love you
Must I always be waiting, waiting on you
Must I always be playing, playing your fool
I sang your songs, I danced your dance
I gave your friends all a chance
Putting up with them wasn’t worth never having you
Maybe you’ve been through this before
But it’s my first time so please ignore
These next few lines because they’re directed at you
I can’t always be waiting, waiting on you
I can’t always be playing, playing your fool
I keep playing your part
But it’s not my scene
Want this plot to twist
I’ve had enough mystery
Keep building it up
Then shooting me down
But I’m already down
Just wait a minute
Just sitting, waiting
Just wait a minute
Just sitting, waiting
Well if I was in your position
I’d put down all my amuntintion
I’d wonder why it had taken me so long
But the lord knows that I’m not you
and if I was I wouldn’t be so cruel
cause waitin’ on love ain’t so easy to do
Must I always be waiting, waiting on you
Must I always be playing, playing your fool
-Jack Johnson, Sitting, Waiting, Wishing (from his upcoming album)