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fever’s down. headache’s basically gone. throat only hurts when I cough. sinus/nose productivity is only about 10-15% above normal output. coughing is intermittent and almost entirely unproductive, though still burning. breathing feels normal, though when I’m laying down I can sometimes hear fluid in my lungs, but I think it’s all at the top, stuff that drained from my nose. lots of appetite. the rash (did I mention the rash that began with a constellation of tiny, tiny red dots in my left elbow?) spread further, now up and down about 9 inches on the left arm, down my entire inside right forearm, up the right bicep on the body side, and when I woke up this morning and showered, I found some on the backs of my knees.

But I’m lethargic, light-headed, and having trouble concentrating, so, while I had to go to work today because of the attendance policy combined with my lack of medical insurance (if you’re out of work for three consecutive days, they don’t let you back without a doctor’s note releasing you back to work), I didn’t get a whole lot done. There’s a type of work only I do, so I did all of that that was there, and I tried to keep working, but I kept feeling like I was going to pass out… like I feel now… so I went to request the rest of the day off, and just seeing me, my bosses scooted to the furthest corner of their office and covered their faces and shoo’d me away home. I think it was the rash. Oh, and one of them has a wedding in a couple of weeks she doesn’t want to be deathly ill for. Anyway. Unless I feel awesome tomorrow morning, I don’t work until Monday, so I should have time to heal.

I’ll go make a little post about NIN, then go sleep.

(see also this post on being sick)

In case you don’t want to read about my being sick, I’ve put it in the “extended” part of the entry. (behind a cut on LJ). Suffice it to say I’m sick. Really sick.

Continue reading sick sucks

(re-posted from a comment I made on my LJ this morning)

I am terrible sick. My whole body aches, my head and face ache, my throat is sore (though whether from the deep, burning coughing which began yesterday afternoon (and hasn’t let up) or the fluids draining down my throat that began last night, I don’t know. I haven’t found a thermometer yet, but I’m probably running a high fever. Uhgg… and starting this morning, nausea to boot – every time I feel a cough coming on, it feels like it’ll push me to dry heave. I better eat something.

Continue reading i feel sick

Perhaps one of the lessons my life is trying to give me lately is that I cannot just “go with the flow” anymore, I need to take control of situations to ensure that they work out properly. I have been sitting back, reacting instead of acting, just going along with whatever the people around me were doing and saying and trusting that everything would work itself out. And it doesn’t.

With work, I didn’t pro-actively ask for more responsibilities or let my bosses know I was interested in more challenging work if it meant more pay, and I didn’t go to them to let them know how I felt about communication styles in this office, and so nothing happened. With Jennifer, I exerted basically zero effort one way or the other; I didn’t try to prevent her from cheating on her husband with me and I didn’t try to get her to leave him, I just left it all up to her and hoped that by letting her choose our fate, we would come up with what she wanted. With my father, with working on the house last weekend for example, I agreed to do whatever he told me to do, and I made myself available for the entire weekend, but I didn’t take control of the situation to be sure that things were getting done the way he wanted them to be done, and he certainly doesn’t take control, doesn’t ask for help when he wants it, doesn’t communicate during what times he expects to be working, expects help, and during which times he does not, and apparently, although I followed every direction he gave me (including more than once when he specifically told me to STOP the work I was doing, even though he had nothing else for me to be doing, and the work needed to be done), he was dissatisfied with what got done. Even social situations … I haven’t planned anything or taken steps to help things become more solidly planned, I’ve just gone along with what everyone else was doing, whether they knew what they were doing or not, not double-checking their work, their ideas, not coordinating things properly, and things haven’t been going well. Missing movie showtimes and having to drive back and forth across the city to find another one, miscommunication about which vehicles will be in use or when people will be leaving and returning and on and on, usually just little things, but sometimes problems that suck up whole evenings or cause social problems between friends.

Continue reading taking initiative, taking the lead

Okay, so. No one responded, so either I’m expecting results too fast, or you guys don’t want to help (or don’t care), or none of you have a paid account at reunion.com. Fine. I got paid today, I’ll get my Reunion.com account paid for a year and filled out and stuff this weekend, and then I’ll see if it was worth it when I try to contact that Amanda.

To make it MORE worth it, I’m willing to use my paid account to look up people for all my friends and readers here. Have an old friend you’re looking for or a lost love or someone you’re like to serve a cold plate of revenge to? See if they’re listed on reunion.com, and when it gets to that point of “you should pay us money” email me instead, and I’ll hook you up.

That way, even if it doesn’t help me get in touch with Amanda, maybe it won’t be a total waste of money.