Category: Journal

Unexpected birthday gift

[post transcribed from a paper journal]

Saturday, completely unexpectedly and out of the blue, my girlfriend (* I find that because of the nature of this journal, I am less likely to use her name *) gave me a birthday present. My birthday was a couple of weeks ago, on September 21st, and all I got then was some toothpaste and cold medicine from my mom. Nothing else. It was a really uplifting experience…

Then, all of a sudden, my girlfriend hands me a card, and a gift. I had no idea that I would get anything from her – she doesn’t have much money, I didn’t expect anything – and she got me a new CD that I wanted. I cannot express the gratitude that I felt, and am feeling still, towards my girlfriend for being so thoughtful. Perhaps my not receiving any other gifts (* actually, my evil twin sent me a bunch of new CDs, but since I’ve never met him… *) has thrown off my perceptions.

Slowtime time again

[post transcribed from a paper journal]

“Reality is the expression of one’s personal delusions rearranging one’s personal perceptions.”

As time flows steadily past you and those around you, I trudge slowly forward through a sea of temporal misgivings. If ever I stopped pushing steadily forward through the medium of time, I would be stuck with no motivation to ever move again. The torture of a continuation of this that surrounds me is almost too much to bear as it is, and I fear that if I ever stopped, it would be far too much a burden to take it up again. All things stopped; perfect peace; would be an oasis of calm that I would likely be ready to drink from until I wasted away into non-existence. Would then time march forward, unhindered by my laziness? Perhaps then, I should look at the drag I put on the natural flow of time; when I am gone time will shoot forward with unrelenting speed. If this is true, then perhaps my stay here should be cut short; only for the good of others, mind you, not to give myself the rest I need.

Sigh… such contemplations of things is unneeded and unneccesary – I should limit its place in my life.

Something in the air…

[post transcribed from a paper journal]

It’s not that I’m having a bad day, although I am, ot that either of the past two days were bad, although they were. It’s more than that, which has lead me to create 100mph winds, heavy rain and scattered hail one evening, and pounding rain the next. That the friendly meteorologists said that it was drying out and not to expect rain for a faw months doesn’t matter; I can bring clouds in under their noses in under an hour. I suppose it has something to do with all the bad things that have been happenning to me of late that are causing me to feel like I need a rain-storm powerful enough to knock two of our trees into the neighbor’s yard to help make me feel better. It’s just that sometimes I need a little release, and have found it inappropriate to take my own stresses out on the people around me directly. Or on me directly; I ate a pound of Oreos last night… not even an upset stomach or a gained pound to show for it. Oh well….

Strange things are afoot

[post transcribed from a paper journal]

Reality, that mindless whole that is everything we know and believe, seems to have reared its twisted head at me once again. If such chaotic occurrences were not so random and earth-shattering, or even if they were within the bounds of some sort of logical reasoning, I might be able to deal with them in some reasonable fashion. However, as a result of the absolute lack of understanding I have for these things, I become at least partially unglued when they occur.

This time, as Reality ripped itself free of its normal constraints all around me, I noticed a few things were going wrong. Wednesday evening, I got arrested. Thursday, on my birthday, I was so over-whelmed with the goings-on (* I received some toothpaste and cold medicine after sleeping most of the day *) that I didn’t complete the essay due on Friday, Friday nothing too catastrophic happened, but Saturday I had to leave town untill well after sundown. Then, at 3:30 on Sunday morning I was awakened to find that my girlfriend had not made it home that night. I spent the next 7 hours trying to find her; she showed up at home an hour later, with absolutely no explanation for me.