Unhappiness, frustration, meaninglessthanthis

I bricked on camera and I couldn’t get the other to short so i can use it and the first one keeps freezing up and I didn’t buy any lighting or sound equipment and I didn’t get myself to draw the storyboards or flesh out the outline into a proper script and I didn’t do the animatic because I hadn’t done those and I certainly didn’t film the movie I didn’t write or have the equipment for. I did design the concept around not needing lighting or sound equipment, so that’s not a project-killer, but I couldn’t motivate myself to storyboard a movie I couldn’t shoot, and I don’t want to buy another new camera when the working one I have can’t be downloaded from and I’ve killed another and the movie requires not less than three working cameras for the best gag to work. It’s frustrating, I’m not happy, and ultimately it doesn’t really mean anything because I’ll just keep working on it. On a nicer note, I did get a mount on the semi-working camera I do have and it works with my tripod and the two steadycam rigs I did successfully build in my time off, and the still camera I bought hacked no problem and plugs into the semi-universal-dock I successfully constructed this weekend (it’s compatible with any of the still and video cameras that I’m trying to hack, but only once they’re hacked, and it’s USB-out and cross-platform and I’m happy with it).

A young woman I’ve been chatting with off and on for a couple of months who I met online reached a point tonight where I had to give up on her without ever even meeting her because she doesn’t feel like she’s comfortable meeting anyone in person right now. That one is mostly frustrating and a little unhappy (because otherwise she seems nice and I’d like at least to have had the chance to meet her and get to know her properly) but ultimately meaningless – I meet lots of people online, and I’ve met a few of them in person since first trying to convince this one to meet with me. Not the end of the world, not even a really big deal, just … mostly frustrating. I told her to let me know when she’s over whatever is preventing her from being able to meet people, if she likes, but that it’s not worth my time and energy to keep beating my head against a brick wall.

The house is a mess. My laundry is clean but not sorted, folded, or ironed. The other woman I was trying to date (we actually had a couple of dates) has been (understandably; it’s the holidays) too busy to see me the last couple of weeks and (understandably; she’s job hunting) probably won’t be available soon, either. I didn’t finish those three books last year. I’m still pretty depressed. Sara still won’t agree to marry me. Israelis and Palestinians are still killing each other. Last year was a second longer than I was expecting it to be, and flew by much faster than I expected it to. I have to go to work today.

Oh, and I put that books page I showed a while back as the default page for prose.modernevil.com and press.modernevil.com and added book descriptions to the mouseovers on the main page at Modern Evil. It’s a new year. Resolve to buy my books.

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Author, artist, romantic, insomniac, exorcist, creative visionary, lover, and all-around-crazy-person.