I’ve never really been to a graveyard in any significant way. I’ve seen them in movies, I’ve passed by them in cars, I’ve read about them and how they effect other people. I watch shows about the people that fill them, and have even considered that trade. I have some weird friends who like to perform rituals or dance naked in them. Yet I really don’t seem to have the sort of understanding or impression of them that other people do. I’m not sure I even know anyone buried in a cemetary or graveyard. I’m not sure I know anyone with a grave. I don’t remember ever seeing a real coffin in person.
Everyone I’ve known who I’m aware of dying has been cremated. I’ve seen a few different shapes and configurations for boxes and canisters containing human remains, and I’m aware of several relatives whose ashes have been planted under rosebushes my mother used to grow, but I never knew which bushes, so they weren’t like gravestones or any more special one than the other. (I’ve been trying to write this at work over the last 4 hours, but we have been too busy and I have lost my train of thought. I will try to conclude anyway.)
Really, I’m not sure whether I’m really missing out on something or not, because I get the feeling that at the most I’m missing out on physically localizing a sense of grief, and perhaps a sense of obligation that I must keep returning to that localization to pay respects to the lifeless remains that represent the memory of the life which is what deserved the respect. This is just one among many ideas or concepts or generally accepted ideas that I do not seem to share with the world around me through the circumstance of my life. I do not know yet if it will be a detriment to me, but I do not know how a lack of understanding could help me.
I have been to several funerals, carried coffins at some and been to allmost as many grave side services. I loved my maternal grandparents who are buried in a cemetary in Tucson. I never go there. They are not there and never were so I have only a very very tiny interest in going back there.
Just a few weeks ago my parents and I went to a funeral at the old Payson cemetary. We had been at the burial of a friend from church there many years ago and spoke about him, wondering where his grave was. We could not remember exactly and were not concerned or interested or whatever to go looking for it. He was not there either.
We remember our loved ones and friends as we live our lives, do things that remind us of them, or remanis with friends and family. I don’t belive a physical location is necessary to go to and do that. But I don’t think those who want to know there is a place with some sort of dedication to the memory of a loved one are wrong either. Even a rose bush planted over ashes can be an appropriate memorial of the love that others have for the person now gone from this life on earth.
As I write this I guess I am understanding better that a grave or some type of memorial can be a focal point for a grieving persons statement of love for the one who is gone,and a comfort knowing it will endure for a long time as a sign of their love.
Live and learn and grow.
I have been to several funerals, carried coffins at some and been to allmost as many grave side services. I loved my maternal grandparents who are buried in a cemetary in Tucson. I never go there. They are not there and never were so I have only a very very tiny interest in going back there.
Just a few weeks ago my parents and I went to a funeral at the old Payson cemetary. We had been at the burial of a friend from church there many years ago and spoke about him, wondering where his grave was. We could not remember exactly and were not concerned or interested or whatever to go looking for it. He was not there either.
We remember our loved ones and friends as we live our lives, do things that remind us of them, or remanis with friends and family. I don’t belive a physical location is necessary to go to and do that. But I don’t think those who want to know there is a place with some sort of dedication to the memory of a loved one are wrong either. Even a rose bush planted over ashes can be an appropriate memorial of the love that others have for the person now gone from this life on earth.
As I write this I guess I am understanding better that a grave or some type of memorial can be a focal point for a grieving persons statement of love for the one who is gone,and a comfort knowing it will endure for a long time as a sign of their love.
Live and learn and grow.
Grandma Gatti and Grandma Bissell are both buried in Erie. I remember the funeral of Grandma Bissell. It was just before the Gatti family moved to Arizona. Mom wanted me to kiss the body of Grandma Bissell. I cried. I was only 7. It scared me. I think that Grandpa Gatti and Grandpa Bissell are buried also. They always did that kind of thing back then. On Sundays, we visited the cemetery of Grandma Gatti and brought flowers and remembered her. You know, after church. Respect. That is the way people used to do it. Death………..or life in a different dimension…..one with Jesus……….Streets of gold………..river of living water…pearly
gates………Oh I think of another dimension. One that we have never seen. We will know people. They will look the same, but different. Perfect. No flaws. No pain. No disease. Oh the conversations we will have. Catching up to do. My mom, dad, sister Sharon and sister Janet. They will be there waiting for me. Grandparents.
Death another form of life ever after.
Grandma Gatti and Grandma Bissell are both buried in Erie. I remember the funeral of Grandma Bissell. It was just before the Gatti family moved to Arizona. Mom wanted me to kiss the body of Grandma Bissell. I cried. I was only 7. It scared me. I think that Grandpa Gatti and Grandpa Bissell are buried also. They always did that kind of thing back then. On Sundays, we visited the cemetery of Grandma Gatti and brought flowers and remembered her. You know, after church. Respect. That is the way people used to do it. Death………..or life in a different dimension…..one with Jesus……….Streets of gold………..river of living water…pearly
gates………Oh I think of another dimension. One that we have never seen. We will know people. They will look the same, but different. Perfect. No flaws. No pain. No disease. Oh the conversations we will have. Catching up to do. My mom, dad, sister Sharon and sister Janet. They will be there waiting for me. Grandparents.
Death another form of life ever after.
Mom always said that it didn’t matter what we did with the body after she was gone ’cause she wasn’t using it anymore. She also was romantic and nostalgic enough to want to plant a rose bush. We know that it really doesn’t matter where the remains are, but as Patti said it is a form of respect, and as Dad said it’s a show of love to want to take care of the ashes. I just think that it is nice to perpetuate life from ashes. (like planting a rose) The true memorial is in your heart and mind and you carry that with you.
Mom always said that it didn’t matter what we did with the body after she was gone ’cause she wasn’t using it anymore. She also was romantic and nostalgic enough to want to plant a rose bush. We know that it really doesn’t matter where the remains are, but as Patti said it is a form of respect, and as Dad said it’s a show of love to want to take care of the ashes. I just think that it is nice to perpetuate life from ashes. (like planting a rose) The true memorial is in your heart and mind and you carry that with you.
I’ve been thinking about whether I will go to my mom’s grave. Her birthday is in a couple weeks, and it will be my first without her. My mother’s parents died when I was in high school and I don’t remember her ever visiting their graves, but my mom would light a candle on her mom’s birthday. It was one of those 24-hour-burning ones. She did that for a few years after grandmom passed away. I’m not sure when she stopped, but she would always make mention when it was her birthday, like, ‘she’d be x years now’.
I have always liked the idea of planting a tree into my eventual ashes, but I don’t know if it will happen. My mom would have liked to have been creamated, but my dad’s religious beliefs are against it. The rituals of burial are more for the living than for the deceased. Their own expressions of respect and need to feel that the deceased is ‘layed to rest’. At least I talked Dad into a stacked plot (for his later use) instead of a double-wide, it’s such a waste of space.
I’ve been thinking about whether I will go to my mom’s grave. Her birthday is in a couple weeks, and it will be my first without her. My mother’s parents died when I was in high school and I don’t remember her ever visiting their graves, but my mom would light a candle on her mom’s birthday. It was one of those 24-hour-burning ones. She did that for a few years after grandmom passed away. I’m not sure when she stopped, but she would always make mention when it was her birthday, like, ‘she’d be x years now’.
I have always liked the idea of planting a tree into my eventual ashes, but I don’t know if it will happen. My mom would have liked to have been creamated, but my dad’s religious beliefs are against it. The rituals of burial are more for the living than for the deceased. Their own expressions of respect and need to feel that the deceased is ‘layed to rest’. At least I talked Dad into a stacked plot (for his later use) instead of a double-wide, it’s such a waste of space.