So many things go on between the beginning of one day and the end of the next. So many new things come to light. So many things are said by so many people in such a short time. So why isn’t every two days as interesting as this? I guess that would make it less interesting overall for these things to happen.
Category: Relationships
3/28/00
I believe I am waiting. I believe I am waiting for Alison. For her to be ready or for her to figure out what she wants is not necessarily me. I know I am waiting for Sara. For her to get older, in years as well as as a person.
I am so tired. I ache. I do not know what it is about being me that makes me feel this way. I do not know what it is about being alive that makes me want so much to lay down and die. I have tears in my eyes and i am short of breath. I do not know why I am this way; I just am.
Unexpected birthday gift
[post transcribed from a paper journal]
Saturday, completely unexpectedly and out of the blue, my girlfriend (* I find that because of the nature of this journal, I am less likely to use her name *) gave me a birthday present. My birthday was a couple of weeks ago, on September 21st, and all I got then was some toothpaste and cold medicine from my mom. Nothing else. It was a really uplifting experience…
Then, all of a sudden, my girlfriend hands me a card, and a gift. I had no idea that I would get anything from her – she doesn’t have much money, I didn’t expect anything – and she got me a new CD that I wanted. I cannot express the gratitude that I felt, and am feeling still, towards my girlfriend for being so thoughtful. Perhaps my not receiving any other gifts (* actually, my evil twin sent me a bunch of new CDs, but since I’ve never met him… *) has thrown off my perceptions.
What a beautiful girl
[post transcribed from a paper journal]
Addie stopped by Monday evening. Apparently, she had been out driving, and her mother had decided that she should visit me. It was completely unexpected because I hadn’t been able to get ahold of her that day, and she had never just stopped by before. She brought me a copy of The Doors of Perception/Heaven and Hell that her mother thought I should read. That, too, was unexpected, although not entirely bad.
I had seen Addie just two days before, yet as she had approached my door, I realized that she was much more beautiful than my memory depicts her. I kept thinking that she was the sort of girl that, were I not already going out with her, I would be totally attracted to. I will be sure to treat her that way from now on.