Author: Teel

[post transcribed from a paper journal]

Life Sux

[post transcribed from a paper journal]

Today is Friday, the 8th of December.

Which might not mean much to you, and it might not mean much to me either. Alas, it does.

This morning, around the same time I was trying to make myself get out of bed, my girlfriend (Addie) was driving off towards the airport. Today she leaves for Europe, where she will spend the next 10 days with her brother. She has never been to Europe, and it should be very interesting and educational for her. She doesn’t know exactly which countries she’ll be visiting, or how she’ll be spending her time – it’s to be a surprise – but I’m sure her brother has a wonderful week planned for her.

Then again, as she frolicks about in Europe, I get to set around here, doing normal, everyday things. Except that now I have a week (and more) of time that Addie won’t be there for. Luckily, I’m such a lonely person that if one important person, say . . . Addie, wasn’t there to talk to or do things with, I would have no one else. I would be (am now) able to sit around all day staring at the walls, counting the microseconds as they slowly tick by. I can now lay around depressed with no one to bring me up, no one who loves me. Too bad it’s only going to last 10 days. Maybe I can get bad enough to kill myself.

[post transcribed from a paper journal]

So there’s this hole in the front tire of my bike, and it’s probably an inch and a half across. I don’t know how it got there, except that that tire has seen a couple hundred thousand miles of travel. Perhaps it’s just too old. So, I’m going to have to buy a new tire, so that I can get to and from school the next couple of weeks. Which is money I don’t have to spend on Christmas gifts for people. Being economically challenged, I have a small, limited amount of money to spend on Christmas gifts. So small, in fact, is the money that I have for Christmas, buying the new tire will almost divide my money in half. Half gone, half left.

So anyway, I have a big hole in the front tire on my bike. I still need to get to school, and this morning there was no new tire to put on my bike. My father has suggested that I take the tire off his bike, and put it on my own, but I couldn’t find the right wrench. Then time was running short anyway, so I ran inside and got permission to use dad’s bike instead. His bike is an old “Suburban” with big handlebars, a rear-view mirror, splash-guards, a big comfy seat, and all of it half worn-out but still good. Bicycles just aren’t like they used to be; my father’s bicycle will probably last another 20 years.

[post transcribed from a paper journal]

Friday night I finished putting my computer together; where just a few hours before there had been mere parts, strwen about the room, now there is a functional computer. With my own hands and mind I have constructed a device that can change the world, or just change the way I look at it. And yet, though I have never had a computer of my own, nor in my own room, it had already become “normal” in my life.

Then Saturday evening something terrible happened, while I was out with friends, having a relatively good time, that left me shivering and alone in pain. I will not say exactly what it was, but a part of me died Saturday, and it can never really be replaced.

[post transcribed from a paper journal]

Words. With words, when I want to, I can affect people; make them think and do things. With words, sometimes when I don’t want to, I can affect people; make them think and do things even when I’m not trying to. I do not like making people I care about do things they don’t want to do. I do not like that the people I care about (who care about me, too) will be affected even when I do not say something, will do and say things that they think I want them to say and do, regardless of how they feel about these things. I do not like the idea that the people who care about me (who I care about, too) change the ways they think and feel just because of the ways that I act and the things that I say, even though sometimes I am not aware that they are, and sometimes they interpret me wrong, and sometimes (worst of all) they go against their own intentions to do what they feel I would like them to do.