So, I’ll freely admit that last week I spent a whole lot of time writing my novel, and not much time working on developing my final project for Drawing class. I did spend some time on it though, and I feel that I improved the intensity, emotion, composition, value, and generally moved more in the direction I wanted to go, well within the guidelines of the written assignment and my own personal artistic sensibilities.
Marc, my Drawing teacher, at first tried to simply dismiss my newer image as though it weren’t there, and was disappointed because I hadn’t done anything with the image he saw in last week’s class. I tried to point out the new image I’d made, and while he didn’t say outright that he didn’t like it, I asked him if he didn’t like it and he agreed. Then we tried to discuss that I felt the new image was better, or what he didn’t like about it, and he ended up basically telling me that I was creating art for all the wrong reasons, and I may as well as be mowing my yard if I’m going to do art the way I’ve always been doing it and want to continue doing it. And I had been slowly growing upset, and I’m sure it was visible, because he asked me if I was angry, and if so, would I please go take a break, so I told him I was angry and went to calm down.
I don’t know when the last time I got so upset was. I wasn’t really all that upset, I didn’t say anything I shouldn’t have said or raise my voice or lash out, but I solidified in my mind that I really don’t like Marc. When I went to calm down, I basically was just reminding myself that making Marc happy with what I do is only important as far as his happiness or unhappiness with my work relates to my ability to take the next class. I’m going to school because I’m an artist and I want to increase my skill and experience by studying classical techniques and new materials. The classes I’m most interested in taking have “core” classes as prerequisites, which is Drawing 1, 2D Design, 3D Design, and Color. I’m hoping to take the other two next semester, and from then on all my classes will really be directly related to teaching me the skills and techniques and use of materials that I want to know. Hopefully that will help.
Did I mention that drawing has almost nothing to do with what I want to do? To a certain extent, yes, I do drawings for comics, and the things I’ll learn in “life drawing” classes in a couple of years will be helpful in porperly representing the human form in any medium, and will draw on the basic skills one typically gets in regular Drawing classes. Yes, I had to make some rough sketches recently so I could properly visualize features of the world my novel was taking place in, but I didn’t break out the charcoal powder or the kneaded eraser or the paper stumps, I didn’t go through a series of peer-reviewed iterations where someone else’s design choices overrode my own vision, and if I do end up creating a presentable version to include with the novel I still won’t do those things.
I know, I know, I’m not being realistic, I’m not thinking about the “real world” where other people DO get to influence my designs, even to the extent of what materials I use, because they pay my paycheck. Which is why I’m mostly not looking for any work that requires “design”. And why I may have quite a bit of trouble making a living as an artist, “breaking in”. I know how the business world works and can mostly work with it; I don’t want my art to be that way.
Me and my big head. Wanting to stand by my values while creating my own art.
