reciprosexual: one who is attracted specifically and exclusively to those that are attracted to them, usually without the need for regard to other factors, including gender, race, religion, and/or sexual orientation
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Many people will think about the concept of the reciprosexual in a shallow way, and leap to the conclusion that everyone is a reciprosexual, so it is a useless term. That is clearly not the case. The widely known ideas of sexual harassment and stalking are excellent examples of people whose attractions are not related to reciprocated attraction; these concepts are largely based on behaviors which, if attraction was reciprocated, would be wholly acceptable. Clearly the concept of reciprosexuality is not a universal experience.
Don’t like ‘stalking’ and ‘harassment’ as examples? How about abusive and codependent relationships? What about pornography? Haven’t you met someone who married for money, or fell in love with the stability someone could provide?
There are better examples buried in my brain, this is a topic I’ve been meaning to write about for months now, and it’s been a long day, but I’m going to make this post anyway, and another after it, good or not – I’ll get most of the idea across.
Think about it, and I think that for a lot of people, the concept of reciprosexuality is a filter they hold their dreamed-of and potential relationships up to, without knowing it. You want to be attracted to someone who is attracted to you. “I want you to want me,” as the song says. On a blind date you hope and hope that the other person is attractive (without it occurring to you that you mostly just mean you hope they’re attractive you you, which is part of what makes blind dates work sometimes where just going out looking does not), but you also do everything you can to be sure that you’re as attractive as can be to them. Right? Well, not for everyone, but a lot of people have thought that way, and they’ve got a little insight into what it means to be a reciprosexual.
Not a real view into it, though. The thing that sets a reciprosexual apart from anyone else who wants to be liked and responds positively to positive attention, is that for the reciprosexual, the reciprocated attraction, emotion, even love, is the most important feature of another person, and everything else can be accepted. If you’re a man and you’re “attracted to women who are attracted to you,” it’s like reciprosexuality, but it really isn’t because of the word “women.” The reciprosexual is especially attuned to attraction, or at least wishes they were, and notices whether they are found attractive and respond instinctually with attraction before regard is given to appearance, gender, class, race, or any other thing.
The most deeply reciprosexual are so attuned to the swelling twister of attraction swirling between themselves and another that they can tap it to get to non-reciprosexuals, even across lines they would not otherwise cross. Otherwise straight men would fall easy prey to a reciprosexual male they found even the slightest attraction to, and they would do so with open eyes, and usually without considering it to be homosexual to do so. Racists encountering a reciprosexual of one of their hated races, seeing even the smallest attractive feature through their blistering glare would become the willing participant in a relationship that even the reciprosexual would have loathed and avoided if they were not in the thrall of something more meaningful to them already.
Which is not to say that every reciprosexual is in the thrall of these mutual attractions, unable to resist the pull of their sexuality more or less than those of other persuasions. It is merely to say that these filters, so obvious and natural to others, are not a primary consideration when a reciprosexual is selecting a mate. The same way that secondary filters can be overlooked by heterosexuals at the beginning of a relationship (smoking, chewing with the mouth open, that squeaking noise he makes during sex, ordering the same thing every time you go out, or being a fan of the wrong sports team), primary filters are often overlooked by reciprosexuals at the beginning (gender, sexual orientation, religion, et cetera, ugliness) – and think about your relationships, and how when I say ‘overlooked’, I mean you either failed to see it at all and were shocked later on, or you even thought it was endearing at first! Now imagine that the way he always slept on your side of the bed and you didn’t mind until you’d been together a few months was the fact that he’s really a transexual muslim-raised woman. Oops, you think, how did I go so long without noticing that?
A reciprosexual man is never an “ass man,” he does not prefer breasts or legs or “notice her eyes first.” The first thing a reciprosexual man notices about a person is whether they are attracted to him. The body isn’t the exciting or interesting part, it’s what the body communicates that turns him on.
I’m sure there’s more to say on this subject, but this is good enough for now. I shall continue to consider it and may create additional posts about reciprosexuality in the future. it is an interesting concept. It may be my true sexual preference.
