Last night I had a dream…
Okay, so it was this morning, within the last couple of hours. But… You know. Last night just sounds better.
I’m going to try to write down a few relevent plot points, as it is fading quickly from my mind, and there was something sweet about it I’d like to keep… but that I’m not sure will translate here.
Already I can’t recall exactly how it began, but somehow I managed to show up at a meeting that was apparantly a secret organization of [removed]. But they weren’t doing much secret conspiacy planning. I think they had a guest speaker, ’cause she was showing all these slides and was … simply not interesting enough to me … or that could have been because of this young woman I met there. She started out sitting on the floor next to the … large cushion I was reclining across, and … I won’t get into details, but suffice it to say I am as awkward and liable toward misunderstandings in serious flirting in my dreams as I am here. But we managed, and it went well and I’ve got them in my mind, but I’m not going into the details here of the subtle touching leading to less subtle touching, massage, and more, with lots of hushed conversation, trying not to distract from the woman who never stopped giving her lecture. And I’m trying to hold onto the young woman’s face, but it’s fading with the dream – I might recognize her if I saw her, but would she recognize me? And as I was about to ask her name, the alarm clock next to my bed went off, instantly ejecting me physically from what was going on in the dream. Not like I hear about sometimes where the alarm clock gets integrated into someone’s dream – that’s never happened to me – but just ::poof:: and I’m turning off the alarm and trying desperately to get my mind to return to the dream so I can learn her name.
But I seem to return to a point earlier in time, but aware of the other dream – as though I had been sleeping, dreaming, and woken up into this dream – though that is not exactly the case. So now I’m going about … whatever my normal business is, considering I don’t live in a city and this was taking place in a city, and I’m walking along a street towards a destination … I don’t know if I didn’t know my destination in the dream, or if I’ve forgotten it … and I came to a familiar street corner, but I knew I’d never been there before. And I remembered from my (earlier) dream that if I turned right, 1/4 mile down the road would be a restaurant I’d never even seen before, and I knew the name of it in my dream had sounded like IBN BIZA, and … thinking that I might be late for wherever I was supposed to be going, but believing I’d had a vision of this and ought to follow it, I turned right. And after a bit of walking, passing an obstruction the same white building that has been in my (earlier) dream appeared, with (and I can’t recall the exact letters, but within two letters and one phoneme of) IBN BIZA in big red letters – this was the place. There would be a secret meeting of a secret group here soon, I knew, and that young woman would be there, and I could meet her again, perhaps learn her name, perhaps have some good times, and … well, there’s a small part of me that believes that if I had learned her name in the dream I could look her up in life. Alas, it was not to be.
See, I went into the restaurant, and I knew the way to the secret back room, but I didn’t know who I was supposed to talk to or what I was supposed to say to be allowed in, so I ended up sortof hanging around in the front of the restaurant, hoping to see someone I recognized from what I was now thinking of as my vision of the future to follow them into the room. And the next person to come in was Jamie Kennedy. So at first I treated him like I was treating every other random person who walked in the door, I ignored him, just watching the door for the young woman I wanted to see or any of the other secret members. But apparently this put him at ease or perhaps in my dream he recognized me from either when we actually met at comicon or somehow when I saw him more recently he remembered my beard. Anyway, he was fumbling, carrying too much stuff, and handed me some of it while he picked up some he had dropped, and while he ordered from the take-out counter there. And then he came back over and we chatted for a while, about his cancelled show and his going back to school and a recent death in his family – I guess I’m as easy to talk to in my dreams as I am here – and at one point he handed me his … it was a digital device that was a date book and a phone and something else, but not configured like anything I’ve seen before… Maybe I should sketch it out and note some of the features I noticed … but what good would that do? It’ll come out or it won’t, and then what? Anyway, my hands were still full of his other stuff, so I dropped it – but it seemed to survive okay. And not much further into the conversation my alarm went off again – I supposed nine minutes had passed since I’d re-entered the dream state, and it seemed to be going by in real-time, so perhaps I was in The Dreaming, experiencing a shared experience.
It’s hard for me to say, but the second time the alarm woke me, I was just as frustrated by not getting more information from the young woman. I hate to say it – because so many people dismiss it – but we really hit it off right away. I can honestly say right now that I still feel an emotional connection to this person, who seemed to be experiencing the same thing for me at the time. That had it lasted longer I might be able to say it was “love at first sight”, because we really seemed to hit it off well, and things were going well – something I haven’t experienced here, in my life, in years and years. And who is this mystery woman, and would I recognize her if I saw here face here, and would she remember me? There is a strong part of my belief in dreams that involves believing that the other people who populate … certain dreams – I have never had trouble telling the difference between my own mind’s flights of fancy and The Dreaming …are actual people, actually dreaming. And maybe the [removed] know that and get together and have secret meetings in the most secret place – their dreams. And maybe that was a coincidence, but I’d sure like to believe that there are people out there I could fall in love with, who could fall equally for me. And since I had no faith that I could even so much as get back to the conversation with Jamie where I was just beginning to explain the vision or dream I’d had and about the young woman, I didn’t go back to sleep, I woke up full, got out of bed, got online.
And now there’s another person I’ve dreamt of whose name I didn’t get. And she reminds me of someone I’ve seen there before. Twice. And the only time I got any of her name, it was that one of her names (I can’t recall if it was first or last) started with a hard K sound. Which simply isn’t enough. But the smile, her smile, the feeling of being with her in The Dreaming, has been the same all three times. Once when I was 11, once around 19 or … maybe as old as 22 … I don’t recall exactly, and then this morning. Do I have to wait years to see her again? Will I ever meet her outside of The Dreaming? And if I don’t, can I be satisfied with what I do have? Maybe next time I see her there I’ll remember that I need to get her name sooner, that we’ve met before. We’ll see, I suppose, when the time comes.