Thoughts after a long day

Tonight for dinner, we had … potatoes. With turkey gravy, which was good. And then, on the side: potatoes. Yes. Potatoes with a side of potatoes. Wheee!

And just before that, from when I woke up until supper (four or five hours, I guess) I was climbing around in (and next to, on an unstable ladder) an apple tree, pruning it. Which, since I have an irrational fear of heights/falling, is a terrifying thing to do. But, it needs to be done, whether I’m terrified or not. When I got to the point where I was shaking so much I wasn’t confident I could stay up there, I took breaks, and when I couldn’t stop shaking and I couldn’t quite breathe, I quit for the day.

I’ll have more to do tomorrow.

My father and grandparents will be out of town most of the day tomorrow, and then bible study tomorrow night. And if dad doesn’t get back in time, I have to navigate to Heath’s bible study at the church, then to pick up ‘Randy’, then to our bible study, out past Star Valley. Somewhere. Yeah, I’ll probably be able to figure it out if I have to, but … I don’t know, I’ve never seen any of these places in daylight… or much paid attention to how to find them. We’ll see how it goes.

I spent an hour or four tonight putting together a page for Modern Evil which shows all the BitPass-exclusive content on Modern Evil. I need to cut back on this coding, but … Well, admittedly I have trouble doing anything creative (ie: painting except by already-created diagrams, writing anything new) while other people are around. I work best individually. But with coding I seem to be able to get it done whether people are around or not. I can code and watch TV and have conversation with Heath and chat online, all at once. If I try to … say, write original poetry or short stories, or to come up with ideas for paintings, while Heath is even so much as awake and in the next room or outside with the possibility of coming in, and definitely if he (or anyone else) is in the room, I can’t even start. I’m completely blocked. I can’t get the first word out. My brain is frozen. And it continues for hours after I’m alone and assured of non-interruption. Heath went to bed over an hour ago, and my hands are just beginning to loosen up for writing, even here.

But instead of wanting to write, I want to go get some “real” work done. I want to go downstairs and … sand. I want to do something that at least resembles something that might make money. I want to drill out the hole I forgot to re-drill on my floorlamp. I want to throw away the chunk of wood I was planning on using for a leg on the coffee table I’m working on, since it’s a piece of crap (I got a little extra fed-up with it last night), and find a new one to work on. I want to sand and sand and sand and finish a third leg’s sanding, getting me that much closer to ‘done’.

But that’s not going to happen. I’m going to shower and I’m going to go to bed. And hopefully I’ll get up in the morning, and tomorrow I may get something accomplished.

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Author, artist, romantic, insomniac, exorcist, creative visionary, lover, and all-around-crazy-person.