Test Results from TheSpark.com

Heath did some quizes, which is all good and well aside from the insane amount of time it takes to load all those god-damned images over dial-up, when he could just as well have expressed the results as text … Sigh. And I took a couple of those tests, but there’s no way most of them are very accurate; their questions are not well thought out enought to provide usable data. I did get the right result on the “Which Matrix Character Are You?” quiz (anyone care to guess?), but the rest were hardly worth answering.

There ARE online tests I am happy with the depth and accuracy of. The tests at TheSpark.com have always been fun to take and given meaningful results. I recommend them.

Here are my results from all* of them, in the oh-so-odd-order I took them in:

The Death Test:

You can expect to die on December 5, 2043 at the age of 65 years old.

On that date you will most likely die from:
Heart Attack (23%)
Cancer (16%)
Homicide (11%)
Electrolysis (8%)
Alien Abduction (7%)
Drowning (5%)

(Last time I took it, it gave me until February 14th, 2044… )

The Are You Dateable Test:

Mild congratulations, you are… 59% dateable! You are neither more nor less dateable than your peers– welcome to the land of mediocrity, home of the masses! You have an undeniable animal magnetism, but you’re just as likely to attract small animals as you are to attract human beings. Nevertheless, the people you flirt with generally find you funny and cute, or “fute.” You have good hygiene, which is an imporant aspect of relationships involving two or more people. Avoid seafood and walks in the woods.

TheSpark.com’s Famous Personality Test:

Like just 4% of the population you are an EXPERIMENTER (DIAT). Although you’re slightly shy (admit it!), you love control. When a problem comes in your way, you stomp on it swiftly and decisively. You are bothered easily by failure in others and failure in yourself. You don’t like people that you don’t think are intelligent. Rather than arguing with them, however, you would just as soon ignore them altogether.

In relationships, you have a strong heart. And because you’re introverted, people take you as someone they can trust. But the fact is that in addition to solving problems, you like to create them. So there’s a decent chance that you’ll cheat on a loved one. If you do, you’ll likely get away with it.

You’re a good person at heart, but then again, who isn’t?

The Inner Child Test:

Chimneysweep
(Normal Ignored Functional Child)

“Chim-chim cheree, a chimneysweep I be!”

Your little guy on the inside is the Dickensian Chimneysweep (NIFC). He bounds from rooftop to rooftop inside you singing songs and getting covered with soot. Even though you suffer from abandonment issues you manage to look on the bright side of things. And hey, that’s cool. The world is your stage. Like Oliver Twist doing the twist you jump ‘twixt situations with zest, gusto and chutzpa. I like you. You’re fun.

If you want to get anywhere in the world though, say “guvna” after every sentence and then click your boot heels together in a leap of joy.

The Best Friend Test:

Slightly atonal chords and mildly distracting lights! You are 57% rock-solid friend.

Are you a Virgo? I’m not surprised. You’re a good friend at times, but other times you’re harder to count on than an abacus coated with finger-repellent. And made of razor blades. You’re the type of friend that when somebody asks you to hang out with them, you say you want to hang out but then you never actually specify a time, so that you don’t actually have to hang out with that person. But you’re generally trustworthy and sensitive to others’ needs, like a warm elephant on a cold morning. You’ll never be the Best Man at a wedding, but you’ll also never be the Worst Man. Don’t be shy about using phlegm or bile to show your friends you care about them.

The Love Test:

Hello, Romeo/Romea! You scored a… 68%

Love hurts, don’t it? You’re in pure love