Some would say it has something to do with buried feelings about the death of my mother. Some would point out that since both of my parents are alcoholics, there was a good chance I was likely to “catc the disease” of alcoholism from them. Some would say that I’m finall relaxing my inhibitions and joining the party.
So, lately, I’ve been drinking a lot more than I used to. Last weekend at 12:15 or so I all of a sudden walked down to the local liquor imporium and bourght two six-packs of a nice (5%) alcoholic fruity spring water in all three of its flavours. I have known for years that I don’t like beer, but all these fun, light malt beverages like DNA, Hard Lemonade, Twisted Tea, Bacardi Silver, Schmiroff Ice, etc… these don’t usually taste like beer to me, so I can drink quite a lot of them without thinking “this tastes awful”. Per a suggestion of a friend, I recently discovered that while Twisted Tea is not so good on its own, it is great over ice.
So, whereas I used to drink carefully before, only once a month or so, and in moderation so I never vomited, right now I’ve been drinking non-socially lately. Like right now, I’ve had what.. (Teel walks to the next room and counts the empties in the trash…) seven bottles (5%) in the last couple of hours, sitting at home by myself, watching TV and ripping the CDs I’m about to go sell to Zia (if they take them) for store credit, since I spend so goddamned much money on CDs and DVDs there. I drank a couple drinks (before) and a shot and a couple of rum and cokes at Beer Club this Thursday. I drank last Sunday night when Zoe and Amy came over (and drank nothing). I drank last Saturday night (when I bought the DNA t Tops Liquor).
What’s going on?
What happened? Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I sitting around at home by myself and drinking, faster and faster until I can hardly walk straight enough to get the next drink? Why am I buzzed enough to post about my drinking? Normally I censor myself enough to not post when drinking. Normally I censor myself enough to not post at all about drinking. I guess this is part of the change to my posting that I was discussing with my mother before she died a month ago. Or maybe this is incorporating the changes since the death, and the changes before it into some sort of I drink too much and now I’m free enough to post about it sort of thing.
What do you think? Since my mother died, I’ve turned comments back on, so feel free to tell me what a sinner I am for drinking. Or drinking and posting. Or about typos and spelling errors I may have made because I’m typing at 40wpm while totally buzzed. Or about your own problems with yoru mother.
Now that I think about it, that sounds like fun. I can’t really fight with my mother anymore, so if you could post about your ongoing conflicts with your mother, whether about your drinking or your sexuality or her debilitating diseases and refusal to seek proper treatment, post it here, or post it in the forums/
I can’t believe I remembered how to write an HTML tag for a link, just then, as I was writing. Excellent. Time to stop ripping and go sell CDs. Type at you later.