It’s interesting that the phrase “Under the weather” refers to me in two ways today. We seem to actually have what promises to be rainclouds drifting menacingly across the sky today. Plus, I woke up this morning with a bit of a sore thrat/light cough/body ache.
Actually, I think the physical symptoms are the result of an emotional marasmus I’ve been experiencing lately. I first noticed it last Thursday night around 8-8:30PM, though it seems to have been working on me for months longer, behind the scenes. Since then I’ve been fighting an overwhelming feeling of helplesness, hopelessness and despair.
This weekend I watched five movies in two days, and if I could have got out to a theatre playing Brotherhood of the Wolf, I would have seen that, too. Pure escapism, that was. I suppose it helped a little; I usually don’t feel bad about my own life while I’m watching a movie about someone else’s. I’m not developmentally retarded, I’m not in a legal battle over the custody of a child, I don’t have cancer, I don’t see giant “mothmen”, I haven’t been imprisoned unjustly, and I am not constantly attacked because of a living face in my tongue. In these things, I know my life isn’t all that bad.
Actually, I know that my life is pretty good. I’ve been looking at my income statements for 2001, and found that I earned a heckuvalot of money last year, considering what I do all day. Considering I can do my job even when I’m a little under the weather because it doesn’t require me to move from my seat for the 9 hours I’m here, if I don’t want to, I’m not that bad off. Some people actually have to work for their money.
Where was I? Oh yeah. I’m not feeling well. I think I’ll see how I’m feeling at lunchtime, and if any worse see about going home to sleep. I think maybe I’ll try to sleep at home today, as soon as I get home. I’m supposed to make Angela dinner at around 6, but I’m sure she can microwave some of the spaghetti I made last night on her own. I’m just looking forward to closing my eyes on the world right now.