I wish someone would notice…

[post transcribed from a paper journal]

Ahh… Monday, meaning that I’ve just finished a weekend; and what a weekend it was, or could have been. Was it a good weekend, a bad weekend, or perhaps the sort of weekend that you’re just not sure about? I think it was all three of those, and maybe something more. And why, specifically, was it such a weekend? Was there some main thing adjusting my weekend, or was it just a coincidental complication of events? It might have been both, and if it was, was there anything certain about this weekend?

Sigh… I have noticed that in comparison to seemingly average people, I react much less than they do – to anything. What would drive most people into an angry rage merely makes me feel a bit disturbed, and things that severely disturb the average person have little to no effect on me. I have been advised to react more honestly to how I feel, and that seems to make sense, but through years of not reacting I have trained myself not to feel. Or at least not to let myself KNOW that I feel.

Sometimes I don’t even know I feel bad until I see that I’ve made it overcast and rainy. Sometimes I don’t even know it’s raining; just that I feel bad enough to cry… I wish someone would notice…

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