a painful, negative, self-destructive day.

[post transcribed from a paper journal]

Today is going to be, from my point of view – my experiences and feelings, a painful, negative, self-destructive day. The mere fact that I have decided to fast today, that is, I’m not going to eat or drink anything until it’s tomorrow, is going to do odd things to me anyway. My mother decided to wake me up today, just because it was time to be out the door on the way to my class she thought that I shouldn’t be lounging half-naked in the warm darkness of my bed, but instead that I should be more properly dressed (though not any more warmly) and outside in the cold, hungry and half asleep, trudging my way slowly to my inevitably dismal English class. Then, after expressing this to me in much fewer words, my mother walked away without sliding my door back into place; the cold air and harsh light had apparent pleasure in filling my room with their inherent pain and torturing me quickly into a negative emotion set. Now everything is tinted black, sa though through a pair of peril-sensitive sunglasses that have realized that Everything is bad and are determined not to let me see any of this horrible life. Even my feelings of happiness and mirth are dripping with pain and self-torture. And look at all the dancing faeries dancing around and round your head, reminding you that every second there’s another person dead. Don’t you wish it was you, so that you could never feel this way again…

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Author, artist, romantic, insomniac, exorcist, creative visionary, lover, and all-around-crazy-person.