Author: Teel

Author, artist, romantic, insomniac, exorcist, creative visionary, lover, and all-around-crazy-person.

Who needs stinking internet access?

So, it looks like what I’m going to do is just not have internet access at my new home until July 28th, and Iain and Woody WILL have internet access until that time. This will be the most efficient way to wade through Sprint BBD’s shit, and will be of financial benefit to Iain.

I can certainly live without internet access in my home for a few weeks. I have it here at work. That just means that you’ll end up with less entries here for the month of July. Fewer late-night ramblings. Maybe that’ll let me get even MORE done in the physical world. Maybe it will drive me mad. It is so hard sometimes to know what effect something will have on someone when it is taken away.

I’m just beginning to feel the effects of her moving to Spain. This is certainly the time to take something else that feels like it is a natural, essential part of my life away.

Continue reading Who needs stinking internet access?

My phone doesn’t ring anymore

I don’t like it when people say they’ll call me back and they don’t. Sprint BBD’s supervisor, the guy at U-Haul today, Jen right after the U-Haul guy, countless people regarding the party, countless customers with technical issues half-resolved… In the last week it has just been getting to me. Not getting calls when you don’t expect them is one thing. Not getting calls when you do expect them is another thing entirely.

Something old

“I have a pool. I don’t really know how to swim, but I am strangely drawn to it. I want to stand in it, sit in it, float in the warm waters at night. I want to invite someone over to wrinkle up in the water with me. I want to invite you to float by my side as the hours and our lives drift away together. Sometimes I just want to be with someone else; the company of another can mean so much. So often when I long to be with someone else it is you who comes to mind. Then I think of distance and time. I think of patience.”

-A page of a letter I never sent.

Drinking again

I’m drinking full-calorie soda right now. You have no idea how bad that means I feel about myself right now. At least I don’t feel so bad that I’m drinking the koolaid (though this may be worse in some ways.) It’s even caffeinated. How about that? Did I tell you I decided to try to avoid the caffeine again? Well, this is me not avoiding the caffeine again. Am I trying to make myself feel bad? Don’t I already feel bad enough? Is this my heart trying to make my body reflect the way it already feels? I’m glad I’m not stupid enough to do any kind of permanent damage to myself just because I’m in a bad mood; just these little trivial things like not sleeping enough or pushing myself too hard and exhausting myself or not eating well. Nothing like carving myself or having unsafe sex or jumping off of buildings. Usually nothing that prevents me from going about fulfilling my everyday responsibilities, even.