I’m drinking full-calorie soda right now. You have no idea how bad that means I feel about myself right now. At least I don’t feel so bad that I’m drinking the koolaid (though this may be worse in some ways.) It’s even caffeinated. How about that? Did I tell you I decided to try to avoid the caffeine again? Well, this is me not avoiding the caffeine again. Am I trying to make myself feel bad? Don’t I already feel bad enough? Is this my heart trying to make my body reflect the way it already feels? I’m glad I’m not stupid enough to do any kind of permanent damage to myself just because I’m in a bad mood; just these little trivial things like not sleeping enough or pushing myself too hard and exhausting myself or not eating well. Nothing like carving myself or having unsafe sex or jumping off of buildings. Usually nothing that prevents me from going about fulfilling my everyday responsibilities, even.