“The things we own end up owning us.”
It’s so crazy for me to be able to say ‘I don’t have any money’ and it be reasonably true. I’m not middle class or upper class or whatever that means, but I’m not poverty-stricken, and I’m certainly not starving. On the other hand, I was just looking at my calendar and discovered that -without considering paying utilities, only debt- the paycheck I get on Friday is consumed before the next paycheck. Entirely consumed. Oh, and then on top of that I have to pay my utility bills this weekend, buy groceries (if I need them) in the next two and a half weeks, and have funds to buy … whatever else I may need. So here’s to two weeks of not needing anything I haven’t got, eh?
Which is not to say I’ll be much better off after that. Another two weeks, another paycheck, but more bills as well. This month, the biggest of them happen to fall near each other, so in the second half of this month I’ll be able to buy groceries again. Maybe pay off any new credit card charges I incur between now and then, on account of my bank account is empty.
I’m planning on taking Heath to IKEA tomorrow. He’s got lots of disposable income, and wants a new desk and filing system. I was thinking of getting some more BILLY (bookcase), on account of the increasing stacks of books occupying the floor rather than shelves. So tonight I looked at my bank accounts. And discovered that if I buy anything, it’s really just spending my future.
I know I’ve used untenable debt as self-punishment and self-restriction in the past. I’ve been working a long time to at least not make the situation any worse. Haven’t been doing such a hot job, from some points of view. At least nothing’s in collections. I overspent on Modern Evil Press a bit – I ought to have planned more carefully, and waited until I had cash on hand – but I’ve got two titles ready to go. Even on Amazon. (Sort of; I’ll link later.) I’ve got some ideas for the cover for Lost and Not Found, and then I can get it online, too. That’s another… $120 I don’t have right now. If I weren’t so … disconnected, I might try to sell a few of the books I have on hand, to earn the money to sell more books online. Alas. I barely exist beyond these four walls.