…the following is the bulk of my most recent version of an OKCupid profile. Not as much a “what’s going on in my life” as about who I am and where I am as a person lately. A lot of my … emotional … situation of late has had to do with my “dating life” and/or extended singleness. I will certainly try to go into more details this year than last year about this and … everything else.
My self-summary:
I’m a romantic, through and through. I believe in love and I believe in true love and if I get my way, someday I’ll share and reciprocate true love with someone. Oscar Wilde is attributed with saying this, and when I first read it it rang true as something I had struggled long to gather: “Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.” When I was 16 I experienced this but did not understand it, and when I was 26 I understood it but could not articulate it, perhaps by the time I’m 36 I’ll have internalized it enough to make it irrelevant. For now, suffice it to say I am not looking for friends, enemies or idols. The former is not possible and the latter two are not desirable.
I am an artist, in many media. I paint; I work mostly with acrylic (often textured and translucent) on canvas, but I’ve done murals and sculptural work as well. I write; I’ve finished four novels and a collection of short fiction and poetry and there’s always more on the way, plus I’ve written over 600k words in an online journal I’ve not been paying enough attention to lately. I draw, mostly comics, historically, with quite a bit of doodling and odd drawings along the way. I design web sites and interactive computer art, though not as much as I’d like. Oh, and once upon a time I trained myself to be able to please a woman in bed using every part of my body that isn’t my penis, just to prove the penis was overrated; the closest I got to complaints was when women would pass out in the midst of multiple orgasms, but that’s really more of an endorsement, isn’t it? Hrm… I have also spent half a year (and hopefully will spend more time in the future) designing and creating hand-made rustic and natural-form furniture with Northern Arizona’s native woods, such as Manzanita, Juniper and Aspen.
Art doesn’t pay the bills though. For that I work a specifically dead-end job; I’ve actually turned down several opportunities for advancement. After working long enough in inbound computer technical support (much of it in lower management) I decided never to work in a call center, in management, or with computers for a living again. I’m working to be able to support myself with my art as soon as possible, but for now, the day job is mindless and effortless enough that it doesn’t interfere with my home life and pays enough to keep me personally comfortable. I’ve never been motivated by money, and to tell the truth I’m deep down a communist (not in an authoritarian or centralized or leninist/maoist way, but in an idealized way that I’ll be glad to discuss) who wishes we could just get on with it and stop bothering with all this ‘money’ crap.
What I’m doing with my life:
Working a job that doesn’t challenge me (and thus doesn’t send me home with much, if any, stress).
Writing novels, creating art, trying to create worthwhile relationship(s) with women, and thinking about politics.
Theoretically I aspire to go back to school. To study art, among other things. But that’s … that’s not soon, I don’t think.
I just bought my first car (2005 Pontiac Vibe).
I just took a 5k+ mile road trip to DC to protest GWB &c.
I’m thinking about re-arranging my standards and looking for something intense and immediate rather than something meaningful and lasting from a relationship.
I’m really good at:
Being depressed. Sublimating it most of the time. And everything I try to do when I’m not depressed, I’m good at.
The first thing(s) people usually notice about me:
I’m tall – six foot four, give or take an inch depending on my almost-inevitably-bad posture.
And if I smile, my smile. I recently learned that a lot of people have no idea what I look like generally, they only recognize me by my smile.
More and more you might notice my politics and/or religion. I used to be pretty … quiet on those (and most other) subjects, but I seem to be becoming more outspoken lately. Yes, I believe in Jesus Christ. No, I don’t think George W. Bush (or those on his team) are doing a good or legal job. But I’m not a Democrat OR a Republican (except that I am more a supporter of the idea of a Democracy over the idea of a Republic), and there isn’t yet a denomination of Christianity I feel I fit into. The last church I tried attending I had to walk out of because they tried to tell me that the Bible says abortion is wrong. (Try to show me anywhere the Bible even mentions abortion, I dare you.) See? There I go… and I might go there if we talk, too. I can’t guarantee WHERE, but … the general area is politics and religion.
My favorite books, movies, music, and food are:
This is a multiple-choice question, right? My answer is b, movies are my favorite.
The SIX things I could never do without:
Love. The freedom, ability, and materials to write and draw and paint and otherwise express myself creatively. Chocolate. Supportive, lifetime friends, ie: family, blood or not. The internet. Truth/Beauty.
(I’m not sure this one is likely to change much. Perhaps someday the world will stand on its head and Sex will replace Chocolate on the list, as it has on so many other profiles, but I can’t imagine representing that I could never do without Sex, since I do without it pretty well right now, intentionally or not.)
You should message me if:
You’re single. You’re serious, at least some of the time; many people find me “too serious” to handle. I would prefer if you were at least aspiring toward self-actualization and rational thought.
