The human vocabulary is woefully unable to express love, one human to another.
I know what I am experiencing, but is there a way to get another being to know that experience?
Likewise, I have been so … engaged lately that I haven’t been able to find the time for some things I ought to have done. Like clean this desk to find new hair-ties, probably buried in here somewhere. Or shower, so I don’t feel like my hair needs to be tied up all the time.
But I have only a couple more minutes before I need to be out the door for work, so I’m going to go brush my teeth, take a relora, and go, go, go.
I have all day to simultaneously experience anticipation and to be ready for opportunity not to strike and the need for patience to flare up.
Here is the deal I make with myself: Tonight, if bus, shower early.
I’ve found that I don’t require words to express love. If it is a friendly platonic love then just smiles and genstures, and friendly things do it for me.
If it’s a passionate love there are looks and touches that speak far more than any attempt at words would ever say.
And for every different kind of love there is a look, a smile, a touch, an action that expresses my love, and that means so much more than any words I could attempt to put together to explain it. Instead it is the experience of it that I’m giving them.
I’ve found that I don’t require words to express love. If it is a friendly platonic love then just smiles and genstures, and friendly things do it for me.
If it’s a passionate love there are looks and touches that speak far more than any attempt at words would ever say.
And for every different kind of love there is a look, a smile, a touch, an action that expresses my love, and that means so much more than any words I could attempt to put together to explain it. Instead it is the experience of it that I’m giving them.
I think the real issue is that no one experiences love in the exact same way. If they do then that just isn’t human ^_~. For some people love is easily expressed in words. For others it is in deeds.
I think the real issue is that no one experiences love in the exact same way. If they do then that just isn’t human ^_~. For some people love is easily expressed in words. For others it is in deeds.
Ah, and so many different ways to interpret words. Almost as many ways as there are to experience love, eh?
My concern this morning as I posted was more concerned with how to express the idea of my love to a third party, not directly involved. I can’t show them how I love them, because I don’t love them, I love someone else and I’m just trying to express to them that what that love for someone else is. To me.
The issue of whether the loved knows what is experienced by their partner is an interesting one, and one important to … that love. And on that front, yes, Marie, there is always a way that my heart tells me to express to the one I love, love. And yes, Jenn, every love is unique, and even when two people love each other, each of those loves is unique despite being two aspects of a single love, and each love a person experiences in their life is different from each other one, and … yes, yes, yes, no one experiences love in the exact same way. Not as anyone else, and not as themselves. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be expressed. Even to someone uninvolved.
But it may mean that … the words will never do love justice.
But here’s a thing: Marie has a built-in “Teel loves” detector, I suspect related to my never having loved her the way she wanted me to when she wanted me to. It’s been very accurate, in my experience, even when she doesn’t tell me it went off until well later.
Anyway, I’m going to try to post this comment while the internet is letting me get to web pages for a minute or two. And later, the Willow House. Maybe shower after that, depends on how used-up I am.
Ah, and so many different ways to interpret words. Almost as many ways as there are to experience love, eh?
My concern this morning as I posted was more concerned with how to express the idea of my love to a third party, not directly involved. I can’t show them how I love them, because I don’t love them, I love someone else and I’m just trying to express to them that what that love for someone else is. To me.
The issue of whether the loved knows what is experienced by their partner is an interesting one, and one important to … that love. And on that front, yes, Marie, there is always a way that my heart tells me to express to the one I love, love. And yes, Jenn, every love is unique, and even when two people love each other, each of those loves is unique despite being two aspects of a single love, and each love a person experiences in their life is different from each other one, and … yes, yes, yes, no one experiences love in the exact same way. Not as anyone else, and not as themselves. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be expressed. Even to someone uninvolved.
But it may mean that … the words will never do love justice.
But here’s a thing: Marie has a built-in “Teel loves” detector, I suspect related to my never having loved her the way she wanted me to when she wanted me to. It’s been very accurate, in my experience, even when she doesn’t tell me it went off until well later.
Anyway, I’m going to try to post this comment while the internet is letting me get to web pages for a minute or two. And later, the Willow House. Maybe shower after that, depends on how used-up I am.
I’m with Jenns comment about two people not experiencing love the same way. I’m not sure that I’ve ever even loved two seperate people the same way. Actually, I’ve loved the same individual person in a myriad of ways, also.
Now expressing that to a third party… whoa. That can be a tough one. One time I had some sex (no, I’ve had a lot of sex, but this was different). This was making love on a level I didn’t even completely understand. A reunion and expression much deeper than I’d ever experienced. I remember thinking that to an outside eye that might have been quite something to see, but not really to understand. So even if you see it, you still may not get it. So the moral of that is that if you’re expressing it in action, someone watching still wouldn’t understand.
And close, but no cigar, Teel. I understand my friends. I’m genuinely attentive, and when they make sense, I learn their tones and behaviours. This gets really hard for people who are “moody” like you can be, but with enough years of exposure, and enough emotional detachment to actually let my brain understand, I learn to understand more of people than they sometimes understand about themselves. So I catch tones, and body language, and phrases, and all the other things that make up people. I’ve had more than dozen people tell me that they’ve never known someone who understood them the way I do. So if you’re looking for an immediate reason for why I understand you, here’s the run on sentence: It’s because I understand people, and I love people, and I’ve spent years communicating with you, and I now have a different kind of love for you, which includes a sense of emotional safety for me. So, I can “read” you, for lack of a better word.
If I remember I’ll do a whole post about this idea as soon as I’m feeling emotionally well again.
I’m with Jenns comment about two people not experiencing love the same way. I’m not sure that I’ve ever even loved two seperate people the same way. Actually, I’ve loved the same individual person in a myriad of ways, also.
Now expressing that to a third party… whoa. That can be a tough one. One time I had some sex (no, I’ve had a lot of sex, but this was different). This was making love on a level I didn’t even completely understand. A reunion and expression much deeper than I’d ever experienced. I remember thinking that to an outside eye that might have been quite something to see, but not really to understand. So even if you see it, you still may not get it. So the moral of that is that if you’re expressing it in action, someone watching still wouldn’t understand.
And close, but no cigar, Teel. I understand my friends. I’m genuinely attentive, and when they make sense, I learn their tones and behaviours. This gets really hard for people who are “moody” like you can be, but with enough years of exposure, and enough emotional detachment to actually let my brain understand, I learn to understand more of people than they sometimes understand about themselves. So I catch tones, and body language, and phrases, and all the other things that make up people. I’ve had more than dozen people tell me that they’ve never known someone who understood them the way I do. So if you’re looking for an immediate reason for why I understand you, here’s the run on sentence: It’s because I understand people, and I love people, and I’ve spent years communicating with you, and I now have a different kind of love for you, which includes a sense of emotional safety for me. So, I can “read” you, for lack of a better word.
If I remember I’ll do a whole post about this idea as soon as I’m feeling emotionally well again.
Also, two other points that I just thought of.
1. My intuitive understanding doesn’t work when people put pressure on me. So if anyone starts asking me to predict the way they’re going to behave, that makes me tense, and makes them behave different, and it’s sucky.
2. The way you phrased that sentence was interesting. If I’ve learned anything about you it’s to watch the phrasing of your sentences. Maybe sometime if we’re both feeling retarded we can have a conversation about that sentece.
Also, two other points that I just thought of.
1. My intuitive understanding doesn’t work when people put pressure on me. So if anyone starts asking me to predict the way they’re going to behave, that makes me tense, and makes them behave different, and it’s sucky.
2. The way you phrased that sentence was interesting. If I’ve learned anything about you it’s to watch the phrasing of your sentences. Maybe sometime if we’re both feeling retarded we can have a conversation about that sentece.
On the subject of love being different for everyone, I would like to recommend The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It’s been a while since I read it, so I can’t recall if it has Christian overtones (I seem to recall it did), but if you don’t like that, wade through the ideas in it anyway. It breaks down people into the different ways different people like to love and be loved, and explores a lot of reasons why we express love the way we do and feel dejected when people we love act certain ways towards us.
I’m not saying it’s a miracle book that breaks the code of love wide open. It just provides some interesting additional filters to look at people through. And FYI, my love language is definitely words. I feel the most loved when people praise me, and I feel the most hurt when those I care about say hurtful things to me. Ginger’s is acts of service. I… don’t recall all five. Gifts is one. Anyway, read it if you get a chance. Heck, if you want to read it, I can loan you a copy.
On the subject of love being different for everyone, I would like to recommend The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It’s been a while since I read it, so I can’t recall if it has Christian overtones (I seem to recall it did), but if you don’t like that, wade through the ideas in it anyway. It breaks down people into the different ways different people like to love and be loved, and explores a lot of reasons why we express love the way we do and feel dejected when people we love act certain ways towards us.
I’m not saying it’s a miracle book that breaks the code of love wide open. It just provides some interesting additional filters to look at people through. And FYI, my love language is definitely words. I feel the most loved when people praise me, and I feel the most hurt when those I care about say hurtful things to me. Ginger’s is acts of service. I… don’t recall all five. Gifts is one. Anyway, read it if you get a chance. Heck, if you want to read it, I can loan you a copy.
Eh, just for clarity’s sake and to avoid confusion, that post was meant as a response to anyone reading this thread, moreso than directly at Teel. I don’t suppose Teel personally would have a problem with a book having Christian overtones.
Eh, just for clarity’s sake and to avoid confusion, that post was meant as a response to anyone reading this thread, moreso than directly at Teel. I don’t suppose Teel personally would have a problem with a book having Christian overtones.
I’m forced to admit that iain’s post made me curious, so I had to go check out Dr. Chapman’s book. (Thanks for the recommendation.) For anyone else whose interest iain piqued, the five love languages are:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Receiving Gifts
3. Quality Time
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
This…this love thing…it’s a tricky bugger, for sure. Fascinating, but tricky. I find I can’t explain it to myself, let alone a third party. So, I come down on Teel’s side on this that the English lexicon falls short. I can’t speak for all of language because I don’t speak all languages. What I can say, however, is that I know myself on love. (I say that like it’s a drug precisely because I see it as that. Addictive, deadly, unpredictible, hallucinogenic, stimulating, and any number of other words that can describe both the good and bad effects of drugs.) And it has always seemed to me that it can’t be pinned down, much like any one person’s chemically-induced trip.
Now, suffice it to say, I don’t do drugs. I also don’t do love that comes down on side of the “bad trip.” And in so saying, that statement will probably never make sense to anyone because my bad trip isn’t like anyone else’s. Still, it’s awful nice to get a bunch of people in a room who are all having those purple love-feelings, and smell the vibrations while tasting the grass grow. Isn’t it?
I’m forced to admit that iain’s post made me curious, so I had to go check out Dr. Chapman’s book. (Thanks for the recommendation.) For anyone else whose interest iain piqued, the five love languages are:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Receiving Gifts
3. Quality Time
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
This…this love thing…it’s a tricky bugger, for sure. Fascinating, but tricky. I find I can’t explain it to myself, let alone a third party. So, I come down on Teel’s side on this that the English lexicon falls short. I can’t speak for all of language because I don’t speak all languages. What I can say, however, is that I know myself on love. (I say that like it’s a drug precisely because I see it as that. Addictive, deadly, unpredictible, hallucinogenic, stimulating, and any number of other words that can describe both the good and bad effects of drugs.) And it has always seemed to me that it can’t be pinned down, much like any one person’s chemically-induced trip.
Now, suffice it to say, I don’t do drugs. I also don’t do love that comes down on side of the “bad trip.” And in so saying, that statement will probably never make sense to anyone because my bad trip isn’t like anyone else’s. Still, it’s awful nice to get a bunch of people in a room who are all having those purple love-feelings, and smell the vibrations while tasting the grass grow. Isn’t it?
Since I don’t know what he means precisely by Acts of Service, I can say that I feel I use and am responsive to the other four safely. And maybe that one, but I’d have to read at least part of the book.
Yay!
Of course, there is a lot of information on love in the universe, some accurate and some inaccurate (or at least very personal and specific to a particular instance of love). English is a particularly poor language at expressing it, I find, though Klingon may be worse. The jury is still out.
And I should be sleeping.
Since I don’t know what he means precisely by Acts of Service, I can say that I feel I use and am responsive to the other four safely. And maybe that one, but I’d have to read at least part of the book.
Yay!
Of course, there is a lot of information on love in the universe, some accurate and some inaccurate (or at least very personal and specific to a particular instance of love). English is a particularly poor language at expressing it, I find, though Klingon may be worse. The jury is still out.
And I should be sleeping.