I’ve just come home.
I’m so tired.
I’ve been driving for hours.
It’s been a long, hard day, and I”m in a weird place inside myself right now.
I remember this feeling.
I’ve been here before.
This feels like…
…like that feeling of coming home.
…like that feeling of having been with the person I love and then riding the hours-long ride home in the middle of the night that was so worth it to have been with them, even for only a short while.
…like that feeling, a gentleness, a softness of breath and spirit, of wanting to call that person I’ve just spent cherished time in person with, to reconnect, to be reminded you’re not just waking from a dream.
This feels like light-headedness, light-heartedness, and a deep, deep peace all sewn up together inside me.
It is a good feeling.
…
There is a person I have been thinking of…
…a person I am thinking of now, because she is tied up in this sensation for me…
…I heard recently that she was moving from one corner of the world, half the world away, to another corner of the world, half the world away in the opposite direction.
She will not be more than a couple hundred more miles distant, though the distance between her points A and B are a scant 20% further apart than she will remain from me.
And in her heart?
The distance seems infinite.
…
I have not just come from her embrace.
I have not just come from any embrace, nor any love.
I am not pining, any more than nostalgia shares the same space.
There’s this feeling of euphoria, of a long day, long drive, late night, and like a certain scent or a certain spot on the map, it reminds me of a thing I once had, once enjoyed, thrice lost.
As I drift soon into sleep I wish…
…I wish for this feeling to leave me, to pass away into the night like the dream it calls up in my memory, to fade away as the night it calls up in me has been forced to fade as well.
…I wish for this feeling to live on in me, but with reality, with love, in it – I wish to love again, to feel this kiss of bliss that lingers on after lovers part, to feel love in the present rather than echoed from the past.
I’m so tired.
