Yay! I just did yoga again for the first time since … I don’t know… Years ago, now. I’ve known the whole time I ought to be doing the Yoga every day or every other day at least, but I just haven’t been doing it. Always there are excuses, it’s too late or I’m too tired or there’s no room or … Whatever, I just didn’t feel like it. When I moved to Pine I set up the space in front of my TV specifically to provide the long thin open column of space that yoga requires, and that was over three months ago and … nothing. But today… today I learned that even for the brief routine I did, the space is just slightly not wide enough. Or my arms are too long… but I prefer to think that I’m just the right size for me and everything else in the world was built too small…
Anyway, there’s a reason I’m typing all this (and may even do a comic of it in a moment), and it comes down to the idea of accountability. Since I basically live alone and have no traditional ‘job’ with co-workers and no traditional ‘social life’ with friends, it comes down to modernevil.com to provide me a modicum of human contact. (Which, by the way, with the sudden draught of posts, has put even me into an extra sort of funk.) The idea of accountability is great for things like dieting and excersizing, especially when the people holding you accountable are expecting you to do the same for them; dieting with a partner, working out with a partner, these activities are easier this way and because of what mostly comes down to a mental switch. Because each partner will be pushed to ‘stick with it’ for the sake of the other – they don’t want to let their friend down. (This could be used to make a strong proof that selflessness exists to some degree in humanity, I believe, though opponents would say that friendship doesn’t exist except out of selfishness in the first place… bleah.) Except that since my gym closed oh so long ago I haven’t had anyone to do yoga with. Or really anyone to be accountable for my own health except myself. I tried to make group accountability real with the idea of ‘Fuck 50 lbs To Hell’, but … none of the people involved communicate regularly and then no one was making progress, so we all stayed fat together. Sigh.
This is something new I’m trying. I’m going to post every time I do yoga (which hopefully will be every day). Sometimes just a simple post saying I did 20 or 40 minutes of Yoga to such and such a video (thanks to Marie, I have three yoga DVDs to choose from, each with two twenty minute routines). Sometimes something longer like this, or maybe even a rant complaining about breathing (those of you who have been near enough to hear me breath may have a clue of what I might sound like doing the intense breathing that yoga creates), or whatever. But I’m going to try to post every time. And I’m going to imagine that my audience (I still have around 200 regular daily readers) are all holding me accountable. That all 200 of them will be disappointed in me if a day goes by without a yoga post. That my audience actually cares about my health and physical fitness.
Now, there’s the rare possibility that some of you actually do care, and a rarer possibility that some of you will actually post encouraging comments or try to take up yoga with me. If that turns out to be the case then Hooray! I’ll do what I can to live up to the actual expectations that are expressed, and if someone else decides yoga is for them, I’ll do what I can to encourage them and hold them accountable for their own health.
On the other hand, if it goes as my currently downtrodden and pessimistic side seems to think it will and people don’t even bother to read posts that start with the word ‘yoga’, I’ll still try to live up the the imagined expectations that I’ll pretend my caring audience has expressed, (hopefully) effectively fooling myself into feeling held accountable and being motivated by this imagined outside expectation to do this thing even when I so easily come up with an excuse.
So, today’s the first day. Today I did the first twenty minutes of Yoga Zone’s Total Body Conditioning Yoga for Beginners.