Note: Okay, this is getting longer (not to metion silly), but this post is in response to these comments and this post, which was a response to this comment on the post from the previous day. PTHHHBBBBBT!!!
‘I seem to have got the getting the girl (or boy) part down, but I’ve been stuck on the question of “Once you’ve got them what should you do with them?” for quite a long while. So much of the “dating” scene seems to be about finding that special someone and then getting to know them/impressing them/convincing them to stick around. I’ve got that part down pat. I can see almost immediately who someone is and whether or not they are the sort of person I can get along with. I’ve learned how to be myself, and that seems to be all that’s necessary to get to know them, impress them, and convince them that they like to spend time with me. I just … I don’t know what to do next.’
-Teel, May 16th, 2001
I swear, it’s like I’m in a coma sometimes, unchanging. Two years ago, in the first posts on FYTH I was posting about the exact same things as I’m posting now. I guess I’ve made some progress. I was trying to figure out how one figures out what one’s core values are, and today I feel I have said values and try to live by them. I wasn’t sure what I wanted out of ‘relationships’, and today I have a pretty good idea – that About a Boy quote pretty much covers it, it’s mostly about mutual affection and, well… actually being IN a relationship. And while I may still have the ability to go from stranger to interested acquiantence, I still don’t know how to break the threshold from interested acquiantence to boyfriend/girlfriend.
Is it as easy as just stating my interest in said level of relationship?
Most of the things I can’t wrap my head around that everyone else just takes for granted end up coming down to some simple thing like that. I’d hate to have been struggling with this thing for more than two years and have it come down to something simple like “the only thing you have to do to get what you want is declare that you want it, so you can find out whether they want it, too.”
**********
Oh, and as long as I’m reading old posts, here’s an interesting one from May 21st, 2001: “Right now, I’m going to go fiddle around with Modern Evil and see if I can’t make it even LESS appealing.”
Not that you care what I think, but I’ll tell you anyway…
After the initial meeting and exchanging phone numbers you call her up and ask her out on a date. If date #1 goes well you ask when you can see her again. Her answer tells you how well she thought the date went. If she says, “Call me tomorrow,” it went well. Call her within a day or two and tell her that you really enjoyed the date, chit chat a while and ask to see her again. Make sure that you are doing an activity that she will enjoy and if a group activity is available to invite her to all the better. After the second date it’s safe to let her know that you really like her. Call her every day to chat and say nice things to her. Polite, and Nice are key here, but not too polite and nice that she thinks you just want to be friends. This is where it gets tricky. You don’t want to be standoffish or smothering. If you call her too much and seem desperate she will loose interest but if you are too aloof she will think that you don’t really like her. There’s a bit of cat and mouse that occurs between the second and (approx) fifth date. Most girls will let you know if they are dating other people at the same time. If she is interested in dating only you around the fifth date she will probably cut the others loose and you will notice that she is available any time that you want to see her and will be inviting you things that she wants to do. That’s when it’s pretty safe to assume that you are dating. If you have to know that it’s just you she’s dating than it’s safe to ask at this point and make your intentions clear. This whole process should take at least 2 to 3 weeks.
When you take a girl out you should be considerate and treat her like a lady. Open doors for her, (although in this day and age she might not know how to react, but it’s truly a nice gesture) pay for everything, compliment her often, (but not in a needy desperate way) and pay attention to what she says.
Make her feel like she’s the only one in the room. Don’t flirt with anyone else, don’t look at anyone else too long etc…
I think that guys get into trouble in that grey area of making your intentions clear, but not overdoing it.
Good luck.
Not that you care what I think, but I’ll tell you anyway…
After the initial meeting and exchanging phone numbers you call her up and ask her out on a date. If date #1 goes well you ask when you can see her again. Her answer tells you how well she thought the date went. If she says, “Call me tomorrow,” it went well. Call her within a day or two and tell her that you really enjoyed the date, chit chat a while and ask to see her again. Make sure that you are doing an activity that she will enjoy and if a group activity is available to invite her to all the better. After the second date it’s safe to let her know that you really like her. Call her every day to chat and say nice things to her. Polite, and Nice are key here, but not too polite and nice that she thinks you just want to be friends. This is where it gets tricky. You don’t want to be standoffish or smothering. If you call her too much and seem desperate she will loose interest but if you are too aloof she will think that you don’t really like her. There’s a bit of cat and mouse that occurs between the second and (approx) fifth date. Most girls will let you know if they are dating other people at the same time. If she is interested in dating only you around the fifth date she will probably cut the others loose and you will notice that she is available any time that you want to see her and will be inviting you things that she wants to do. That’s when it’s pretty safe to assume that you are dating. If you have to know that it’s just you she’s dating than it’s safe to ask at this point and make your intentions clear. This whole process should take at least 2 to 3 weeks.
When you take a girl out you should be considerate and treat her like a lady. Open doors for her, (although in this day and age she might not know how to react, but it’s truly a nice gesture) pay for everything, compliment her often, (but not in a needy desperate way) and pay attention to what she says.
Make her feel like she’s the only one in the room. Don’t flirt with anyone else, don’t look at anyone else too long etc…
I think that guys get into trouble in that grey area of making your intentions clear, but not overdoing it.
Good luck.