Is happiness worth the pain?

[post transcribed from a paper journal]

I find that in my pursuit of happiness, a lot of the things that will lead me to my future happiness, or that would end a lot of my current pain are things that right now cause me more anguish and sufferring than I’m sure the happiness is worth. Of course, since I have had little to no experience with happiness in the past; an isolated incident here or there, never sustained or supported; so I’m just not sure that it’s something I really want in my life. I have been told that happiness is great, that happiness makes your life better, that I should be happy, but as I do more and more to be happy, my life is becoming less and less stable, more and more painful and troublesome, and although there’s a promised future of peace and calm, I’m not sure that it’s worth the trouble. Then again, I wonder whether happiness is better than I know. With my inexperience in this area, it is not too far a leap that I am wrong, that happiness is so wonderful that it is worth any pain that stands in its way.

I hope I decide soon; indecision here is causing even more pain than sticking to it will, and makes the decision even harder.

Published by

Teel

Author, artist, romantic, insomniac, exorcist, creative visionary, lover, and all-around-crazy-person.