I’ve stripped the blankets off my bed and I’ve stripped the clothes off my back. I’ve opened the window to let the cool air in, but I can’t seem to find music that sounds sad enough and I still feel like there’s a layer of heat stuck between me and the air in my room. I was feeling fine earlier. I was as good as I expected to be and there was no reason to expect anything but the best. I’m trying to figure out what the difference is. What crawled across my flesh and into my head and made me feel like hope is hopeless and brought these tears to my eyes only to tell me that crying won’t solve anything? What sight or sound or memory flitted across my perception and showered me with this sense that something is dreadfully wrong; that there is no direction to run in that will not take me into the arms of the very thing I was running away from?
4.3.8.-2
I have been conflicted about writing here again. The last thing I wrote spawned quite a lot of exaggerated emotions and intolerant attitudes from people in the forums. I am always happy to see more activity in the forums, new people visiting the site, reading the comics and essays and poetry that we have here, enjoying the creative works of our little community. At the same time, I am not one to intentionally cause pain and hardship for people, and if writing here is going to cause people such intense discomfort, perhaps I should not write at all. Then again, if people are going to have such a strong reaction to something, maybe they should stay away from it. Just because some people have a very strong reaction to habenero peppers doesn’t mean that they should stop being grown and made available to the public. So, I write.
5.4.7.-2 (Do I look gay to you?)
Do I really look that gay? Sure, by body language is a little effeminate, but not overly so. I think. If I walked into the room and the first thing that popped into your mind was that I was clearly a total, flaming faggot, you’d let me know, right? I try to keep an open mind about what sort of people I’m interested in pursuing friendships & more with, so no, I wouldn’t immediately rule men out as being among the people that might be worth close, personal interaction with, but come on! Most men are pigs, who don’t know what’s important in life, or how to communicate in any worthwhile fashion (unless they’ve been trained to do so by their SO, and even then it seems to wear off as fast as the relationship they learned it for.)
Boring Site (5.2.7.-2)
If the site is boring it is because there isn’t enough new stuff, right? Not enough new comics, sure, but what about everything else on the site? What about the rants and the poetry and the stories and reviews and even just posts in our forums? I can do something about not enough new comics, I can take the time to put together new comics for you. Hundreds of them, with only a little whining (and that’s usually in response to someone else whining about me not updating the site enough). I can even take what’s left of my time and creative energies and try to squeeze out some Words or a review every once n a while, but that’s still not enough.
1.2.4.-2
My life seems to deliver me into adventures all at once. Sometimes it seems quiet, and no matter how hard I try, nothing very interesting happens to or around me. Other times, like right now, life just feeds me one interesting, difficult, out-of-the-ordinary situation after another. Oral surgery wherein all four of my wisdom teeth are removed, new boss at work, possible major change in job responsibilities upcoming that is causing great tension in the workplace, trying to keep up the site and create a new daily comic strip, thousands of dollars of debt all of a sudden, trying to learn how to throw a family Christmas dinner and then throwing the dinner in the same weekend with no time for preperation because of everything else in the world that just keeps going on anyway, trying to figure out and maintain a relationship with someone that I love who loves me, in spite of many disparate options and circumstances that seem to muddy the waters of clear choice, and now a new and interesting thing to add to this long, incomplete list of the things that have been going on in my life of late: There is a man in my house who has recently been subjected to great emotional stress considering suicide and who knows what else; a roommate on the edge of tolerability as such. And he has a loaded gun.