Welcome to Year One

Did I mention Happy New Year?

Happy New Year!

It’s Year One, people!

Didn’t notice anything different in Year Zero?

Come on. When did the US’s non-elected officials start aggressively attacking countries without the backing of the UN or any good reason or just cause?

Sure, sure, you want to say Vietnam, but that wasn’t a “first step” to something big.

What do I mean? Really, what reason does China have to attack the US? Wait until you see what GWB does in his second term. Wait until North Korea.

Wait for Kansas, Illinois, and Ohio. You’ll see.

Okay, okay, so most of that isn’t actually IN Year One. Give me a break. And remember that the X-Files had it right, and you never had to watch:

Fight the Future.

A little something about finials

A partial list of things to do tomorrow:

chop the nipple
screw the lamp
yank the cord
shove it all tight together
find/fit/finish fine finials

I found tonight, when I all but finished the first lamp, that I forgot, somewhere along the line, to make finials for my lamps. The finials, for those of you who don’t already know, are the little screwy things that hold the lamp shade to the top of the harp. Based on my research, lamps of the sort I have made are typically fitted with manzanita finials. That is, with little bits of wood that match the vertical part of the lamp. In order to do this right, I need to find an appropriately sized nut to screw onto the top of the harp, an appropriately sized and colored piece of manzanita in reasonable shape, cut it, sand it, put a hole in it, glue the nut into it, then finish the entire thing.

Which, if you were paying attention to my earlier posts, you know that the last step alone takes around 30 hours. Because the finish requires two coats, 4-6 hours between coats and 24 hours to harden after the final coat. Because of hate me.

Finding the wood shouldn’t be too hard; I may even have trimmed an appropriate piece or two off these pieces in the process. If not, I can get something from some too-twisty or too skinny piece that isn’t good for anything else. That’s no trouble. Cutting it, easy. Getting pretty good at that part. Sanding it; smooth. I’ve got several good tools to choose from to get that job done right, though I expect the abrasive buffs on the dremel will be about the right size and coarsenesses for the job.

Getting the nut into the wood … actually finding the right nut may be time-consuming … but getting the nut into the wood, I don’t know how to do. Which means I have to ask dad for help. Which, almost inevitably, means I have a good chance of getting stressed out by the project. But that at some point in the future, it will get acceptably done. And then 30 hours or more later, I can actually attach it to the lamp and then, perhaps, sell the lamp.

Or, uhhh… I guess I could ask my dad to pick up a pair of reasonable finials while he’s in town tomorrow, or I could find some myself when I go to town this week to try to watch that movie again. Just buy something simple and reasonable for these lamps and do something out of wood for future lamps. Like, I could do simple brass finials for these two lamps and start on a wood finial for the floor lamp, then finish the finial for it at the same time I finish the floor lamp itself. That would be okay.

What do you think?

What do you mean you’d never thought about finials this much before?

Are you saying …

Look, I know I’m not quite ‘normal’ in a lot of ways, but that doesn’t mean you can just …

Cut it out! Just because I’m making a post about finials, you…

Fine. Look. There’s no point in continuing this conversation. Good night.

No, you shut up!

An afternoon

Okay, so. It looks like Iain is just going to pass twenty thousand words this month, so I suppose I have a this post and a day to make up six thousand words. You know, to beat him again on word count.

I suppose if we count the three thousand plus words in my “Vintage” posts, I’m almost there anyway. But I’ll do it this way, W:PS v. FYTH.

So, here we go.

Heath and I tried to go see The Passion of the Christ today at the theatre in Payson, but it was sold out. So we’ll try again on a weekday after Heath gets out of school. Instead of watching the movie, we went down to the WalMart and hung out for a couple of hours. See, Heath, there’s more to do in the Rim Country than go bowling, do drugs, and have sex. You can … hang out at the WalMart.

I spent far too much money, actually. Hopefully I can get my dad to reimburse me for some of it; I bought a water filtration system for the bathroom up here and four compressed-flourescent bulbs to replace the incandescent bulbs he have up here right now. He’s been talking about getting the bulbs for a long time, but hasn’t done it, and they were there, so I bought them. 100-watt equivalent, they say. And since the only water filtration I have up here right now is my PUR filter, which was full when I took it off the faucet at my last house and needed replacing, I stopped to look at replacement filters.

Here’s what I found:

One basic filter for the PUR filter is ~$15. One premium filter for the PUR filter is ~$25. A three-pack of premium filters for the PUR filter is ~$40, which is less per-filter than the basic filters. Now, I don’t particularly care about filtering out tetramethalides or whatever from my water, as long as sediment, rust &c., and awful tastes (like the flux from the recent work on the system) don’t make it through. And while I was looking over the costs on the various filtration pitchers and systems, I noticed some PUR-branded filters for “OMNI” Household Water Filtration Systems.

The filters for the at-the-tap and in-the-pitcher systems I was looking at filtered a maximum of about 100 gallons, and cost between $12 and $25 per filter. These “OMNI” filters were bigger, filter up to 15,000 gallons, and cost between $3.72 and $5.58 per filter (the low price is for a 4-pack of the premium OMNI filters)… suddenly the OMNI system seems like a better deal. But … wait. I don’t see any OMNI systems. My brother and I look all around for one and we seem to find any OMNI systems. There are a couple of brands of filters for OMNI systems, but no mention on any of the packages of how or where to get an OMNI system. Heath and I figure that maybe it’s something that needs to be professionally installed. And then, on the top shelf, above the air filters, a bit over from the water filters, we see two OMNI systems.

One, a smaller one, takes filters that I haven’t seen anywhere, but that supposedly filter 1,000 gallons each. That’s a far cry from 100 gallons, but wait. The other one is the one we’re looking for, the system that takes the full-size filters that filter up to 15,000 gallons each and cost very little compared to the filters I was using before. So we grab one of each and find a price-check-scanning station and find out that the smaller one is $25 and the larger one is $30.

Thirty dollars?!? And it comes with a filter? And (looking inside the box, reading the instructions) it’s easy to install and will work for what I want? I was about to spend $40 on a three-pack of filters to filter 300 gallons, and I can spend $30 on a filtration system and filter that will filter up to 15,000 gallons? That’s an easy decision.

The OMNI Household Filtration System goes into the cart.

Soon we come to the aisle with the light bulbs. I look at the Reveal bulbs, on sale, and my preference for light bulbs. Four bulbs for about $2.35, on the Reveal bulbs. If you haven’t tried them, they provide a very nice white light. They appear to be tinted a little bit blue, so perhaps it is extra blue, but I have stood in the doorway between one room lit with Reveal bulbs and one lit with standard incandescant bulbs, and the difference is like pleasant lighting and unfortunate, inadequate lighting. Seriously, if you’re going to be using incandescent bulbs anyway, use Reveal. You’ll thank me. They’re great.

Around here, though, my father and grandfather’s preference is for those twisty-looking condensed flourescent bulbs that fit into standard sockets and us a lot less energy to produce the same amount of light. My father had some 13-watt (which is like a 60-watt equivalent in light, they say) bulbs on hand when we put the ceiling lights in my room a month or two back, so we used a mix of them and incandescent bulbs to light the room. He’s been saying since then that he’ll buy a bunch of the 100-watt equivalent bulbs, to fill in up here and replace downstairs, but based on my experience, it could be a year or more before the bulbs materialize.

So, I decided to look at the flourescent bulbs. I ended up buying four 26-watt (100-watt equivalent) bulbs for about $18 total.

Interestingly, I’ve just re-arranged the light-bulbs around here so that almost all the ceiling-lights are the flourescent, and while the 26-watt bulbs are definitely brighter (and use less energy, apparently), I still don’t seem to have enough bulbs. It looks like I need either one more 13-watt and two 26-watt or just four 26-watt bulbs to get this place lighted appropriately and thoroughly. Maybe when I’ve made more money.

That reminds me; did I mention that I finished one of the lamps today? And would have finished them both had I got out of bed before 2PM. But I’ll try to get up in the morning and get the nipple chopped off to the right length and get the second lamp assembled before dad and Heath get home from church. Then I’ll see about getting some photos of them taken and online before I get them priced and out for sale. Heath doesn’t think the lampshades I’ve selected “go” with the lamps I’ve built, but under questioning he admits that he can neither describe nor even imagine a better-quited lampshade. So, we’ll see what the buying public thinks.

Anyway, before long we arrived at the entertainment and electronics section of the WalMart, and after a quick look over their $10 DVDs and a quicker look over their “new” DVDs section (all $20 and higher), we arrived at the bin of $5.50 DVDs. Ah, $5.50 DVDs. Hundreds of them. Mostly duplicates, but a few different titles mixed in. I spent quite a long while looking through every single title in that bin. I came out with four DVDs, plus two other things that, while still $5.50, had two discs and four movies each. “Cult Classics” collections 1 and 2. Here are all 12 titles:

The Atomic Brain
The Brain That Wouldn’t Die
Carnival of Souls
Night Tide
Dementia 13
Frozen Alive
The Screaming Skull
Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter
Strange Days
“a life less ordinary”
The Contender
America’s Sweethearts

That seems like a good mix, right? A little political thriller, a little romantic comedy, a little brain that wouldn’t die, Francis Ford Coppola’s directorial debut, Danny Boyle’s forgotten film, a little … uhh.. cowboy… horror… oh my word, what have I got myself into now?

Anyway, we ran The Atomic Brain and The Brain That Wouldn’t Die, and I have … a special feature from Strange Days … though depending on when Heath goes to bed and how I feel I think I’ll switch to The Contender when this special feature is over.

So, yeah. Bought 12 movies for about $33. Which is, as you may realize, a good deal.

More shopping. The Easter aisle. A thousand pounds of candy, all wishing I would take it home with me. Heath and I spent probably twenty minutes on that aisle, doing calculations to determine which candy was most cost-effective and delicious at the same time. Through various perturbations of our decisions we ended up with some good stuff. A couple of big rabbits, a bag of M&M’s, some little crunchy rabbits, a bag of standard marshmallows (much cheaper than peeps, and just as delicious, if not as much fun), all for about $9.

Cookies, a third attempt at getting worthwhile spray-on-butter, some kool-aid, and two bottles of cheap booze (both already drunk, thank you very much and Happy New Year) and a bottle of Sam’s Mountain Dew rip-off, Mountain Thunder (2-litres for 50cents) and then … some ice cream and we were out of there.

I was thinking about getting a half-gallon of cheapass chocolate ice cream. But then I was thinking about getting ice cream sandwiches. And then Heath and I were discussing it and looking at different ice cream treats available, the nut-rolled cones, the ice cream bars on sticks, everything, and we’re calculating per-gram costs on each treat, treat-for treat and comparing them to how long we think it’ll take us to eat straight ice cream versus treats, and then … we decide to get the mixed-box good humor 30-pack of three kinds of treats, ice cream bars, nut-rolled cones and ice cream sandwiches. (The sandwiches, while a little small, seem quite nice. Delicious, really.)

And then checkout and then driving home in the snow, and then … home. Yep. And then dad’s upset with me for buying the filter, because apparently he has several filters sitting around somewhere that he hasn’t installed because of … something. One-time-use, no replaceable filters, out-of-line setup, but they’re “free” because we already have them. After some discussion that didn’t help me try to feel good (which was my main goal for the evening), I decided to go with the filtration system I’d just purchased, since I will certainly want filtered water wherever I move to after this, and even at my father’s recommendation, the system I bought is the one he would buy if he was going to buy one. We need a couple of adapters for it, and my father will buy them tomorrow while he’s in town, and we’ll install it tomorrow afternoon.

On a bright note, my father got the finished piping installed for the shower today and we turned the hot water heater on tonight. It looks like it works, hot water comes out, and hooray, I’ll soon be able to shower up here. I did manage to forget for two months to buy the little rings that hold the shower-curtain up. So, I can’t actually take a shower tonight. But soon. Again, special thanks to my father for getting it together.

Okay, so that’s most of today recounted and I didn’t even reach two thousand words. That’s not so good. How am I going to find another over three thousand words? How can I be silly and beat Iain’s number from way behind again if I don’t find those words?

I think I’ll take a break for a bit and see what I come up with.

Be back later.

Happy New Year

So, right about now, if my calculations are correct, the international date-line is experiencing 1.1.1.1 for the first time. That is, the new day, the first day of the new year, year one, is just beginning (ie: it is just after midnight) at the time of this post. (Sort of; I’m writing it earlier and changing the timestamp so I can go to bed – though with my luck and brain I’ll likely stay awake to see if the world ends at 4AM)

So, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Which reminds me; what are YOU doing tonight to celebrate New Year’s Eve? I don’t know what I’m doing, but I hope it doesn’t suck. Maybe I’ll steal the car during the day, scoot down to Payson to see The Passion of the Christ, buy some ice cream and cheap booze from the WalMart, and come home to celebrate in style. Well, better than normal, anyway.

Do you have any New Year’s Resolutions for Year One?

I’ve just started using my BowFlex again, so maybe I’ll resolve (or did I already do that?) to stick to my workout schedule for the entire year. Or maybe I should resolve to seek out an audience who not only gives feedback (ie: why don’t you people comment on my posts, even when I ask direct questions? There are literally thousands of you; can’t you think of anything to say?), but also spends money. Or to quit smoking. That’s always an easy resolution for me, having never smoked.

Anyway, I hope you all have a happy and fun New Year’s Eve tonight, and a successful and brilliant Year One.

Happy New Year.

Where is the money?

Okay, so, even in this short month I’ve had over thirty thousand unique visitors to the modernevil.com domain. Around a thousand people a day comes to the site. Why do zero of you buy anything?

You don’t buy books or audiobooks or poetry or short stories or comics or merchandise … thirty thousand visits to the site, zero of them involve any sort of monetary transaction.

Okay, Zoe, I know you buy stuff when you can, but I’ve known you for over a dozen years now. We’re good friends. You’ll probably buy the board game I designed (most of) today, when I make it available later. Your help is appreciated, you know that, right? I’m not talking to you.

I’m talking to the other … at least thousand people, perhaps up to thirty thousand people, who have visited my site this month.

Really, even if it was just the thousand or more who visit every day, visiting again and again and again, and one tenth of one percent of them bought one 2cent thing via BitPass, that would at least be two cents the site had earned this month. But I haven’t even got two cents this month.

Not even two cents.

If not one of you, out of over a thousand (and perhaps much more), is willing to donate or spend any money at the site, perhaps I’ve got the wrong audience. I need to find the audience where one in a thousand doesn’t support the site financially. Something about finding an audience has always eluded me, though.

I’ve never been able to write much with an audience in mind. I know that people, most any people, would like what I write – my short stories, my novels, and even most of my online journal entries here. The only audience I could really think of is … sort of ovbious. People who like to read short stories like my short stories. People who like to read novels like my novel. People who like to read online journals like my online journal. But how do I connect with them? And how do I get them to open their wallets?

How do I market a novel to “everyone who likes to read novels”? Where do I advertise, what do I say? I mean, I know that if they read it with an open mind they’ll like it. But how do I get that across?

Too many people claim to have something people will like inaccurately; most people don’t trust strangers’ advertising claims. They trust the claims of trusted sources, but not strangers. So how do I get the trusted sources to read it? How do I get the New York Times editorial staff to read it, or the Entertainment Weekly staff to read it, or anyone else to read it, for that matter? And once they’ve read it, how do I get them to recommend it? Seriously. Anyone know?

I don’t.

If I did, my book would already be popular.

I’m not a marketing … person. I’m not a business person or an advertising person or anything like that. I’m just the creative guy who put the product together. All by my lonesome.

I’m sad.

I couldn’t get people interested enough to read my novel, even when I was offerring it for free, and certainly not now that it costs money. That makes me feel rejected and just as worthless as all thirty thousand of you are saying my novel is. And my short stories are. And my poetry is. And my comics are. And all of it. Worthless. Not even worth a quarter, which you would probably gladly give to a panhandler on the street, you won’t give to me in exchange for entertainment.

I’m sad, I feel worthless, and I’m going to bed.

Perhaps tomorrow I’ll think of an audience who has money, and a way to get it from them. My problem (as far as I can tell) has never been finding an audience; plenty of people like my art, my stories, my comics… they just happen to be the people who can’t afford to pay for them. And the sort of people who can afford it, they’re the ones who don’t appreciate my creations.

Clearly, I am a financial failure.

I wish I could just give up.