I’m an idiot

I’ve just discovered a problem with buying music from the iTunes Music Store:

If I buy an album and listen to it and listen to it and just don’t like it, if it’s a real CD in a case with those paper inserts, all professionally made, I can take it to my local Zia and get back a few bucks’ value for it, but if it’s a few digital files on my HD, that’s it, all value gone.

So I can get an album from iTMS for $9.99, usually, and if I’m patient and look hard enough, I can get an actual CD of most music used from Zia for $8.99, and I thought that these were both reasonable prices, so much nicer than $15.99 or $17.99 that new CDs seem to go for ($13.99 on sale!)… but now I see that it isn’t just $1 I’m saving by buying the physical (albeit used) CD – I’m also investing a sort of equity in the atoms that I can get back out if I decide this CD has no appeal for me.

Continue reading I’m an idiot

Ah, teeth

So, I went to the dentist this morning to get my last two teeth filled done of the six the dentist had made note of needing fillings… uhhh… like, a year and a half ago. Actually, at least four of them were identified by other dentists in 2000. When he first looked at my teeth, we couldn’t afford the fillings because we had basically no dental coverage and no income. So I got a cleaning and an estimate.

And last summer I got a job here and suddenly had income, and about a month before my insurance would be available, one of these 6 teeth began to hurt, in the back on the left, so I went in and got it filled, paying full price. And then after I had insurance, last fall, I got three more filled, the three on the right side. And then … money and time and reality haven’t put me in the dentist’s chair again until now.

And at the end/beginning of the year, my employer changed their dental provider. And I started paying a little more, and I hear that for the more expensive stuff, this plan may be better. But for my fillings…

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shuffling my projects again

Okay, so here’s what I seem to be doing: I am no longer trying to get the graphic novel completed before the end of April. I started working on my ‘sin eater’ novel again the other night, though, and am makng progress. I got to the end of the first two scenes last night (I’ll probably put one of them online later), and with perseverence I should be able to finish this novel by the end of the month. And the diet book.

I still fully intend to complete it in at least one format, at the very least number of drawings, a novel with a dozen or so full-page illustrations, and possibly a graphic novel comprised of around 14 comic-book-length chapter, and maybe also a mini-comic featuring stick figures, depending on how satisfied I am with whatever the main portion of it works out to be. I’ve been having trouble nailing it down; I have the basic story in mind, the characters and dramatic structure and all that, but I haven’t worked out the format that best suits it. I’ve got it started in at least four different major styles so far, one in poetry with no illustrations yet, one in third person omniscient with reasonable quality illustrations, one in first person with stick figures, and some notes on how to do it as a novel with illustration. Maybe I’ll tell this story four or five ways. Two of the styles listed require me to tell the story twice each.

Anyway, what I was wondering is what you’d call this sort of thing. Is it just re-scheduling? That’s what it feels like; I wasn’t able to wrap my head fully around the drawn comic in the first half of the month, so I’ve pushed it back and moved up some projects I can get work done on immediately. Or does it look like I’m covering up over-reaching? I mean, in some respects it could be seen that way; I said I’d do more than I’m going to be able to do in the time period I specified, and I’ve taken a major project off the list of projects with ‘deadlines’ altogether. Though I am thinking of trying to do a 48hr comic on the weekend of 24hr comic day (next weekend), which, at my 4hr comic rates could be graphic-novel-length, to make up the difference. Or does this all look like something else I’m not seeing?

Maybe it just looks like me. I have big deams, ideals, and goals. I intend to do a lot, and I announce it. Some of it I get done the way I said I would, some of it I get done a little slower than I expected, and some of it ends up on the endless “to do later” list, and more stuff gets added to the top of the queue all the time so I never run out of big projects. Heck, after I came home from writing last night I started painting with gouache on illustration board in my old geometric style. Who knows what I’ll be working on a month from now?

reading after writing

Reading good fiction has become very strange and frustrating for me.

It is an affirmation and condemnation at the same time.

Generally, fiction I consider ‘good fiction’ tends to also be what I consider far, far better than my own writing. This may be some internal self-deprecation at work or my inability to separate myself from what I have written, but … I think most of all it is that I don’t seem to write like other people, so my writing is just … different. Better or worse, depending on personal opinions, but inherently merely different. Yet, when I read something by someone else and am drawn into the story, the characters, the highs and the lows, I seem unable to stop thinking about how much “better” the writing is than mine, how mine doesn’t look anything like theirs.

Continue reading reading after writing