Charlie’s Angels : Full Throttle – movie review

I don’t have much to say about this movie, but I did see it tonight, and I do have a few words. I do not guarantee these words will mean anything to you.

I had read that CA:FT was not so much a movie as a series of visually interesting sequences strung together by the bare skeleton of a story. And as I watched it unfold before my eyes, I realised that the people saying this were right. The movie jumped from one unbelievable thing to the next with little rhyme, reason, or explanation. It became apparent I was watching a farce of some sort, but as some things I’ve seen in movie theatres have proven to be in the past, it was not shaping up to be a movie. Entertaining, maybe. Funny, sometimes. Visually stunning, definitely. Those ladies clearly have some of the same reality-altering abilities as The One does in The Matrix; they simply do not follow physical laws. Which is good, because often their enemies don’t bother to, either.

Anyway, so I was settling in to enjoy these oddly-patched-together bits that couldn’t possibly add up to a movie, when finally Demi Moore’s character was revealed as evil. Look, I’m not giving anything away here, from what I understand (remember, I live 100 miles from civilization & have no TV, and thus no commercials) the entire movie ahs been far, far overplayed and overhyped and you probably know more than I do about it without even watching it. So Demi Moore appears on-screen and suddenly it’s as though I’m watching a movie. I don’t know how long she lasted, maybe twenty minutes, but for almost the entirety of the time she was an active character, it actually felt like I was watching a good movie. Which is saying a lot, considering the last paragraph I wrote, where I said it wasn’t even a movie. The characters made sense and had depth and the series of actions were tied together in a reasonably believable way, and there was even a reversal-of-fortune that was an excellent (though easy to discover before the character it is played on does) little twist. I was really beginning to believe they’d get away with satisfied audiences; most audiences will forgive two hours of mistakes if the ending is satisfying.

But then, at the last minute (okay, the last five minutes), Demi was no longer at threat and … the movie fell apart. It was no longer a movie. It was jibber-jabber and wackiness and stupid over-the-top girly-girlness and some too-too-edited-down running joke about ‘Bosley’ that wasn’t even close to funny, and THEN it was over. And I left dissatisfied because it had had potential and it threw it away. If it had ended well, or if it had never given me a glimpse of the movie it could have been, I would have been satisfied, but it set me up and dropped me down again. No wonder people aren’t watching it. No wonder word-of-mouth is so bad. It’s inconsistent and disappoints by almost being good.

Oh well.

Terminatrix 3: Reloading the Machines

Warning: Possible Spoilers ahead!
So, err… yeah. I just finished watching T3. A whole lot of jibber-jabber about how you don’t have control, the people with control just want you to think you do, and how you can’t really make a choice to change the outcome of the battle of man vs. machine because the choice has already been made and you just need to understand it… And how the female lead is destined to fall in love with the main character (the one with all the destiny) …

It was a movie about how mankind created an AI, and then the AI waged war against man using its own weapons, thus becoming the architects of their own demise. Except that instead of watching it from the perspective of the lone human that is fated to lead the resistance against the machines AFTER the war begins, this one is from the perspective of the lone human that is fated to lead the resistance BEFORE the war begins, and how he survives the war.

In case that doesn’t make sense, I’m saying we’re looking at the events leading up to the beginning of the war, instead of the events leading up to the (presumed) end of the war, like in that other movie trilogy about the same thing.

I can see how some people would say that the special effects in T3 were ‘better’ than the special effects in M2. Or at least on par. No 100 Terminators versus an invincible superhero, but the car chase in T3 may be more exciting and fun than the car chase so lauded in M2. Of course, I need to take another look at M2 pretty soon, but … yeah. Quite a car chase.

What else? Rogue AI spouting prophecies about the main characters’ futures while telling them they have no choice. An underground fortress to hide the human rebellion from the machines’ war-making. Knowing from early in the film that a main character’s love interest is destined to die, and how it happens. Finding out that making decisions that change the future don’t allow you to change your destiny. Which movie am I talking about now?

Actually, the high-energy and fast pace of this movie hardly slowed down at all. It is relatively short, especially compared to the length of it’s doppelganger, M2, which allows it to come to a satisfying climax before you’re really ready for it to be over. Plus, since while metals and skin and bones and electronics and explosives and apparently hydrogen bombs can time-travel, clothes still can’t time travel, so that female TX model walks around nude for a while. OOH! And she drives the Lexus SC430 … I want one of those. The sexy killing machine bent on the destruction of the human race would be nice to have, too, but man. If I had the Lexus I could do that lunch date with Jen tomorrow.

There, did I say anything about T3? Whatever.

The Matrix Reloaded – movie review – No Spoilers, Really!

Okay, seriously. I’m going to write this review and do my best not to spoil anything. Then I’m going to go back through and re-read it and be sure I haven’t spoiled anything. If you still think I’m going to spoil something, go see the movie right away. And be sure to sit through the credits.

Okay, so a very important thing to keep in mind about this movie is that it is part two of a three part series. This movie is not intended to stand on it’s own as a movie. I have very recently read many reviews of The Matrix Reloaded (which I will call M2 from here on for convenience), and many high-falutin’ critics have said that it isn’t as good as the original, that it doesn’t pack the same wallop, that it doesn’t stand alone as a ‘great’ film. M2 is not intended to stand alone. If M2 packed the same wallop as the first one, these same reviewers would simply say it was regurgitating the first movie. As far as whether or not it is ‘as good’ as The Matrix (M1), I believe that would take repeat viewings that these reviewers have not yet had.

Which I have also not yet had. I will be seeing it again tomorrow night, and may write another review, or another section of review, or perhaps a complete, spoilers-intact version of a review afterwards. There are things about this movie that give its philosophy strength that are not as obvious as the philosophical construct of M1 – a philosophy that has spawned three books already. The character who dispenses the most important philosophical information in this film even goes so far as to state that most of what he will say will not be understood right away. I won’t reveal any details here, but watch for it, pay attention, and try to remember what transpires; when what he says bears fruit in The Matrix Revolutions (M3) this fall, you’ll be glad you did.

The real star of this movie, for most of the people who see it, will be the action sequences. The important ‘talking’ breaks in between the action will seem verging on the un-necessary as action fans wait with bated breath for the next blow – obvious like the psychological/philosophical one in M1 or physical like the bulk of them in M2. Luckily, the slower ‘talking’ scenes are not close to the energy-drain that similar exposition and character development became for Episode II, and after a while the action sequences begin coming so close together it felt to me as though too much dialogue and exposition had been cut out to bring the running time down and the pace up.

In M2, the cast of characters is as broadly expanded as the mythology is deepend in detail. We meet all range of characters who reside in and out of The Matrix and we learn new things about the ones we are familiar with. We learn how The Matrix’s mythology explains all range of anomalies in the world we know, and we get a glimpse of what lies even further ‘down the rabbit hole’. We also spend plenty of time looking around in the physical rabbit-hole of the buried city of Zion. Many of the new faces are only on screen briefly, but promise to be more important in the drama in M3 that most of M2 is simply setting up. Much as you need to have seen M1 to understand M2 (they do not explain what The Matrix is, what Zion is, where Zion is, who the enemy is, who lived and died and how in M1, any of it, in M2), you will be lost in M3 if you have not seen M2. And from what has been set up (and what I know is coming) I know you will not want to miss a thing in M3.

You wanna hear ‘is the CGI is good?’ It’s better than anything you’ve seen before. They invented a new way of simulating and recreating objects and people that allowed them to do things no conventional crew could have done with the biggest budget. You wanna hear ‘are the fights fast-paced and exciting?’ Some of the fights are so fast-paced and intricate that I lost track and couldn’t follow what was going on. There are slick moves and turns of fate that brought my audience to cheers and whoops during harried hand-to-hand combat. You wanna hear ‘will it blow my mind?’ Well, truthfully, you’ll have to think harder, pay closer attention, and maybe think quite a bit outside ‘the box’ to be blown away by M2 in the way M1 blew your mind. But maybe it all becomes painfully clear in M3. And anyway, the scale and pace of the action of so much of M2 should be enough to blow your mind!

Overall, I would say it is a very good movie, and recommend you watch it. There are some weak points – some action sequences that seem like they could have been avoided easily instead of provoked and increased in scale, some slower sections of dialogue, politics, and character development. But mostly the dialogue, politics, and character development help create a more rich, detailed, well-developed world. And even the apparently needless action makes sense when taken as character development. (You’ll have to see it and think about it; I’ll not explain it here.) Look for the character that The Wachowski’s wrote for Sean Connery (which he turned down) and then try not to think of how different the movies would have been with him there.

Oh yeah, and the cliffhanger ending. In case you don’t know, and this still doesn’t give anything away, this movie ends with a cliffhanger. There is much action and drama that is built towards throughout M2 that would simply have immediately occurred, were movies allowed to be 5+ hours long. The film stops abruptly after a lot of ‘twist’ information is revealed, and you are left facing a six-month intermission. I figured it was important to include that information in the non-spoiler review, since people who haven’t already decided to see it might want to wait until they have less wait between pictures. I don’t want to discourage you from going to see it, but I want you to know that that anticipation any hype that’s been building for the last four years will only intensify by your seeing this movie.

And soon, my time for bed.

House of 1000 Corpses – movie review

You may have heard of this movie. Rom Zombie’s first film. I heard about it something like, 3 … maybe 4 years ago. At the San Diego Comicon in … 2000, I think it was, I saw a 30-minute behind the scenes featurette about it, predicting that it would be in theatres Halloween, 2001. Except that then it didn’t. Some sort of hub-bub about it being too awful for human eyes or some such. I remember reading reviews by people (people who had seen advance research screenings) whose lives revolve around gore and gory horror movies saying that the gore in House of 1000 Corpses was gratuitous. That it was over-the-top. Universal wouldn’t go forward with it. Rob fought and bought the rights to it after a long struggle, then began looking for a studio that would help him finish it and then distribute it. MGM was almost in on the deal, but Rob said something that didn’t synch with their PR, and they pulled out. Eventually he hooked up with Lion’s Gate, got the film finished, and cut two versions. An ‘R’ rated versions which was just released into theatres nationwide this weekend, and an ‘uncut’ version which will be released on DVD later this year. I just watched the ‘R’ cut.

I would like to begin by saying that this movie far surpassed the lowered expectations I had for it. FAR surpassed my expectations. Admittedly, after hearing years and years of bad reviews from the intended audience of the movie, after hearing about how Rob Zombie himself was disappointed with every cut of the movie at least until last fall, after not finding a single review of it to read, and hearing people coming out of the theatre saying they were disappointed, or they didn’t like the ending… I had lowered my expectations a notch or two. And it was better than I had expected it to be when I first heard about it. Go Rob!

It was scarier and funnier and sexier and at least as crazy as I had hoped it would be. I could see some places where it had clearly been edited down and/or re-cut and/or re-framed to reduce the amount of actual gore on the screen, but it was still plenty gory. Better, seeing places where I knew they’d filmed more, and more detail, than they were showing just made me happier to think of getting the DVD later, to see Rob’s entire vision. To see his masterpiece the way he intended it.

Did I mention sexy? Okay, okay, I’ll admit I’m a little …twisted in the head… but man does Rob know how to mix the sex and the violence. How could you help being turned on as she flew out of nowhere, knocking her victim to the ground and then stabbed again and again as her white flowing dress became a sticky red mess and her happy-go-moinkely lucky-schpedoinkely smile and laugh rang out across the too-crowded-with-crosses cemetary? Or earlier, with the first shot of the victim, bruised and bloody and dirty and tied to the bed crying, but wearing the cutest little dress you ever did see, just so, with her make-up done up as though by a doll in her sleep, even just for a second but burned into my retina and into my mind – erotic and troubling at the same instant.

Hmmm… the basic story is simple. Four young adults, two men and two women, are on a road trip. They stop for gas in a small town in the middle of the night and fall into the trap of the local mass-murderers. Terror ensues. The whole thing is set in the late seventies, and it’s more than a little wacky, but in a way I get along with fine. If I’d been one of their victims, they’d probably ended up adopting me…

Anyway, I uhh… I liked the movie a lot more than I thought I would, and I’ll probably buy the DVD (used, of course). There was a lot of really great, really captivating cinematography, and also a lot of experimental cinematography and video and DV mixed with the film in a mostly-effectively-jarring way. The casting was well done and most of the acting was spot-on. It is gory. It isn’t going to win any Academy Awards. But it does what it attempts with excellent gusto. It’s a horror movie, but not a particularly startling or pensive movie, as recent ‘horror’ movies have been. Really it’s just they story of how one twisted family likes to spend Halloween. Nothing YOU should be afraid of… unless you happen to be passing through their little town…

My Big Fat Greek Disappointment

Several months too late I saw My Big Fat Greek Wedding and it was a big fat disappointment. There were some funny bits but mostly it was cheap ethnic humor, sort of like Jewish jokes told by Jews, ie it’s ok when people make fun of their own. The storyline was weak, and made quantum leaps from point to point without explaining why things happened. The characterizations were weak, with Greek caricatures being juxtaposed with WASP-ish “white” caricatures. Chicago becomes a small town with a community college, and a school teacher’s salary somehow becomes more than enough to afford some primo housing, the sudden, yet strangely unnoticed, transformation of the main character, all of these things just don’t add up. Maybe it’s bad editing, maybe it’s bad writing, but all in all I give it two stars – for effort.