Happy New year, everybody!
Today is 1.1.1.-1. That means it is the first day of the first week of the first month of the last year before the fall. And by “before the fall” I mean “before year Zero”. I certainly don’t want to imply some global catastrophe to occur on the day I have been counting down to for over a third of this life; that may cause panic.
Like me not posting may cause panic, I suppose.
I turned off the TV, looked at the time, and said to myself just a moment ago “It’s eleven O’clock, and you can never talk to Sara again.” I’m still not used to the idea of that. I used to be able to talk to her … whenever it occurred to me to do so. I used to be allowed to love her. Now even just thinking about her is just a sign that I “haven’t moved on with my life.” Nowadays thinking about any of the people that I’ve loved is just living in the past. What can I do? I still love them. Their memory is recent on my heart, and their impression is still fresh on my life. I know how to live without them, but they will always live with me in my heart, and it causes me great strain to be this way.
I was trying to watch Wings of Desire earlier this evening, but I found myself falling asleep about 1/2hr in at 7:30. Luckily, while I’m passing uncontrollably into sleep I’m still pretty responsible, and I put my laptop to sleep, shut off the TV, shut off the lights… and woke up for no reason just before the Queer As Folk Season Finale came on. I didn’t even know it was coming on; I thought I’d have to wait until tomorrow or Saturday to watch it, since I missed it on Sunday. Anyway, I always think it’s weird when I go to sleep and wake up for no reason after only a couple of hours. I think I’ll go right to bed after the show is over, too, and hopefully stay asleep for longer than 3 hours.
So, it looks like what I’m going to do is just not have internet access at my new home until July 28th, and Iain and Woody WILL have internet access until that time. This will be the most efficient way to wade through Sprint BBD’s shit, and will be of financial benefit to Iain.
I can certainly live without internet access in my home for a few weeks. I have it here at work. That just means that you’ll end up with less entries here for the month of July. Fewer late-night ramblings. Maybe that’ll let me get even MORE done in the physical world. Maybe it will drive me mad. It is so hard sometimes to know what effect something will have on someone when it is taken away.
I’m just beginning to feel the effects of her moving to Spain. This is certainly the time to take something else that feels like it is a natural, essential part of my life away.
I don’t like it when people say they’ll call me back and they don’t. Sprint BBD’s supervisor, the guy at U-Haul today, Jen right after the U-Haul guy, countless people regarding the party, countless customers with technical issues half-resolved… In the last week it has just been getting to me. Not getting calls when you don’t expect them is one thing. Not getting calls when you do expect them is another thing entirely.