i used to be ahead, now i’m behind and i can’t keep up


new breath, black eyes, tiny life,
     (
      best friend
one step
      removed by wife
two steps
      removed by son
infinitely
      separated by a gulf I cannot cross
alone)
a beautiful thing, now peaceful.
Both of us unable to survive
     without
     human touch,
     community,
     love
only I know how to fake it,
so my
slow death
     (sped a step by his arrival)
goes unnoticed
     (as birth is announced broadly)
I am become my own failure:
alone-
      separated from the community
     -because I am
alone.
my dying breath, my black tears, my tiny life.

and then what?

and then what?

suddenly simple?
   everything works out?

that … seems unlikely.
           seems untrue.

but maybe “friends”
  or maybe nothing
               ever
               again

only one has ever
               disappeared
completely
               gone;
can she too              ?

I wish someone would
   tell me
   what it is
   I’m supposed to have done
                              wrong.

or how to do
            right
            right now.

and then what?